Terrible thoughts rush through Wesley’s head; cancer, some fatal lung condition. His time was up. His thirty years on this Earth would mark the be-all and end-all of his legacy. The insurance company he worked tirelessly for that treated him like dirt. The fifth-story apartment he lived alone in. None of it would matter anymore and yet it was all he had. If he died someone would take his job, and another would take his apartment. His big screen television and DVD collection of old school TV shows and foreign films would all be left to his parents who lived on the other side of the country.

Wesley turns on the shower and strips his remaining clothes. Once steam rises behind the curtain he steps into the downpour of scolding water. It hurt at first but soon his back and shoulders give into the gentle numbness of the cascading water. He looks up and down his body. The body that was now failing him. He had kept in shape. He never smoked. He watched what he ate. Betrayal. He puts a hand to his chest and feels his heart beat.

Wesley leaves the shower and walks into his room, staring at his closet stark naked. He considers ringing in sick, but his arm reaches out for the white shirt and navy blue tie resting on the coat hanger. He buttons up the shirt, and ties his tie. He slips on some underwear, pulls up some black pants and tightens his belt. Wesley pulls up his socks and ties up his shoes. He sticks a finger in his mouth and wipes the tip of each shoe. He flicks off the lights, grabs his briefcase, and makes it to the door. Without warning Wesley’s throat tightens and he coughs. Blood hits the door, dribbling down the white surface. Wesley rips a handkerchief from his pocket and wipes down the door.

Once at ground level Wesley walks the three blocks to his office building. Along the footpath he sees men in black suits clutching briefcases, and women in skirts and colourful blouses clutching handbags. He sees students in shorts and backpacks. Some wear earbuds. As he crosses the road he sees a male cyclist in bright yellow, and cars silver and black lining up down the road. He smells the richness of a coffee shop on the corner, and the greasiness of a fast food joint a few shops down. This world. His world. It would keep on going regardless of whether he was around or not. None of these people would mourn him or even notice if he was gone.

Wesley swipes his card and enters the building. He joins the crowd gathered inside the elevator and punches in the eighth floor. A man at the back is yakking into his Bluetooth headset. Everyone remains silent and walks off at their respective floors, until it is just Wesley and the Bluetooth man remaining. The eighth floor light flicks on and the doors open. Wesley steps out and into the foyer. He takes a deep breath and walks around the corner. At reception he  sees Sandy on the phone. He exhales and walks past the desk. Sandy smiles as he walks by. Wesley forces back a smile and continues on to his cubicle.

He passes by his colleagues in their own cubicles, all in motion and in a world of their own. Some on the phone. Some stuffing papers into manila folders. Some tapping away on their keyboards. Wesley arrives at his own cubicle, immaculate and barely decorated. There are no photos of sons and daughters, or a smiling wife. Just your typical office supplies; a stapler, pens and pencils, sticky memo pads, and a letter opener.

Wesley puts down his briefcase and slumps into his chair. He sits there, unmoving, staring at his black computer screen. What was he doing here? He knew he was dying. He could feel his body slipping away from him. And what was he going to do with his final hours? Check his email? Handle some insurance claims?

Wesley stands up and walks out of his cubicle, leaving his briefcase behind. He walks past his colleagues beavering away inside their cubicles. He makes it to reception. Sandy is clicking her mouse at a high tempo. Solitaire most likely.

Wesley opens his mouth. He had nothing to lose. ‘Hey, you wanna get out of here? Grab a cup of coffee?’

Sandy’s clicking stopped.

‘I know it’s not the most original of lines but cut me some slack. I’m new at this,’ Wesley says.

‘Wow Wesley, I’d like that. I really would. But it’s just turned nine. I don’t go to tea until ten thirty,’ Sandy says.

Wesley was about to turn away but fought against it.

‘How many days have you had your tea break at the exact same time? Done the same old routine for that matter? Let the answerphone take your messages.’

Sandy looked hesitant.

‘C’mon, I’ll buy you one of those lemon muffins you always like.’

‘Oh now you’ve gone and done it,’ Sandy smiled. ‘Let me grab my coat.’

Wesley waits for Sandy to gather her things. The pair walk to the elevator and Wesley pushes the button to call one up. The numbers light up as the elevator passes by each floor.

‘So this is a little out of the blue. You wake up on the right side of the bed this morning?’ Sandy says.

‘Something like that’.

The elevator doors open. Wesley and Sandy step inside. The doors close and they stand silent watching the numbers go down.

‘Which coffee place?’ Sandy says.

‘I’m not telling. It’s a little further than Starbucks, but I think it’s worth the walk.’

‘As long as they have those muffins you promised,’ Sandy elbows Wesley.

‘Hey, I’m a man of my word. I wouldn’t trick a pretty girl with the false hope of muffins now would I?’

Wesley’s smile turns into a grimace as another cough takes him over. He pulls out his handkerchief  just in time to catch the blood. He tucks it away into his pocket before Sandy can see it.

‘You alright hun? That sounded nasty.’

‘I’m fine. As long as we get that coffee in time, I think I’ll make it.’

The doors open to the ground floor. The pair leave the building and walk onto the street. They pass by the businessmen and women, and the college kids. Sandy clutches the jacket at her neck to escape the crispness of the cold outside.

‘Surprise,’ says Wesley. They stand outside Starbucks.

‘What happened to your place that’s ‘worth the walk’?’

‘I lied.’

They step inside and into the warmth. The place is well lit and apart from a few patrons it is mostly empty.  Wesley orders the coffees and a lemon muffin which he gives to Sandy. Sandy picks a table and they sit down.

‘To tell you the truth I thought I was being cool and indie,’ says Wesley.

‘You cool?’

‘Ouch. Anyway there’s something comforting about chains like this. Take McDonald’s, you always know exactly the experience you’ll be getting.’

The waitress brings over the coffees. Wesley thanks her and moves Sandy’s coffee closer to her and does the same for himself.

‘Hey if this was your last day on Earth, what would you do?’ says Wesley.

‘That’s rather morbid Wes.’

‘Entertain me.’

‘I guess I would ring my folks. Go see my friends. Do something crazy. Skydive I dunno.’ Sandy picks up the cup and saucer and gently blows at the foam on top.

‘Skydive huh?’

‘Well you know, it’s one of those things you wished you had the courage to do, but at the same time you still don’t want to risk it.’

Wesley smiles and sips at his scolding hot coffee. ‘I think I know what you mean.’

‘So how’s life in the brig?’

‘Same old, same old. Just when you think you’ve got an easy day someone has to go and jump in front of a bus.’

‘That’s terrible.’

‘You’re telling me. I’ve got paperwork up to the ceiling.’

‘I mean terrible about the client.’

‘Oh yes. A tragedy.’ Wesley pauses for a few moments and wonders how he could be so thoughtless when his own life felt eerily similar.

‘How’s life as the figurehead?’

‘Figurehead?’ Sandy kicks Wesley under the table. ‘Look we better get back. We’ve been gone twenty minutes.’

‘Stay with me. Please?’ Wesley reaches out, covering Sandy’s hand with his own.

‘Simon’s not going to be very happy with us. I don’t want another F on my report card.’ Sandy withdraws her hand.

‘I’m not going back. Take the day off with me.’

‘I can’t I’m sorry. This was nice Wesley. We’ll do it again, sometime soon yeah?’

Sandy picks up her coat, pushes in her chair and leaves. Wesley watches as she walks past the shop window. Looking back at the table Wesley sees two half-empty coffee cups and a plate showered with yellow muffin crumbs.

‘Ring my folks…’ Wesley says.

He pulls out his cell phone and punches in the number. It was in his contacts but for years he had it memorised. The phone beeps as the number connects. The beeping stops.

A woman answers. ‘Hello?’

‘Hi Mum.’

‘Wesley. So good to hear from you. How’s life in the big city?’

A cow moos in the background whilst machinery whirrs.

‘Is now a good time?

‘Oh it’s fine. Just doing the milk rounds. You didn’t answer my question dear.’

‘Um it’s good. Work’s been keeping me busy.’

‘You haven’t asked for that pay rise yet have you?’

‘It’s on my to do list’.’

‘Don’t let them walk all over you.’

Pumps suck and thud.

‘Your father’s out mowing the fields.’

‘That’s okay. Please tell him I called.’

‘When are you going to stop by? Please tell me you’ll visit us before Christmas Day?’

‘I’ll err, try my best.’

‘That’s what you said about giving us grandkids.’

Wesley’s cheeks flush red. He quickly glances around the cafe. No one gives any notice.

‘I’m just teasing,’ says Wesley’s mum. ‘But seriously, we haven’t got all the time in the world. I’ll let you get back to work. Love you.’

‘Love yo–,’ the line went dead.

Wesley stands up and puts the phone back in his pocket. He walks out of the cafe and continues down the street. Block by block he walks. Purposefully. After a few minutes he makes it to the harbour. He chooses a spot on the side of a wharf and sits, his legs dangling above the water metres below. Wesley looks out at the harbour.

The water lies mostly still. That is until a container ship slices through it. Kayakers splash through it too, well out of reach from the motorboats anchored along the wharves. The sun tickles Wesley’s skin. He loosens his tie. Seagulls cackle overhead and dive-bomb a couple and their two kids enjoying fish and chips down by the rocks. Wesley loosens his tie more still, and takes it off his head completely. He holds it in his hand for a few moments, and then drops it into the harbour.

Gently Wesley tilts forward. His backside resting on the gnarled wooden wharf. It’s the only thing keeping him from the water below.

And then there is nothing.

Wesley’s head hits the ice cold water first. Then the rest of him follows.

Wesley opens his eyes underwater and twists his body so he can see the surface above. The world is quiet. The seagulls no more than whispers. Wesley’s navy blue tie floats on the water’s surface. A dark shape amongst the sunlight.

David Jaffe’s Twisted Metal first made its way onto the Sony PlayStation in ‘95. For those new to the series Twisted Metal is essentially a car combat game with a few darker tendencies. This Twisted Metal reboot marks the first time the series makes an appearance on the PlayStation 3. It’s developed by Eat Sleep Play and a team lead by David Jaffe, many of whom worked on the original series.

The basic premise of Twisted Metal is there’s this guy called Calypso who organises a vehicle combat tournament — a fight to the death if you will. Calypso will grant the winner a wish, their greatest dream. When playing the campaign you start off as the lovable Sweet Tooth (the cheery flaming clown on the front of the box). Among playing the missions you get to watch some rather dark, albeit cheesy B movie sequences. As you complete a character’s story, another is open for you to play; that’s Mr. Grimm and Dollface respectively. The missions for each character range from standard deathmatches to races, to even boss battles.

While I kinda knew what I was in for when booting up the game I didn’t know I’d be thrust into the thick of it. I’d recommend starting the tutorial before jumping in. Getting used to the controls is a pretty steep learning curve. Every button has a use. Heck, to even jump you have to press two buttons simultaneously. A boost requires a double tap of acceleration, while a second boost is triggered by flicking the Sixaxis controller. Some of the powers are tied to the D-pad which requires some quick finger manoeuvring. Rather than use the default controls I switched to the racing control option, because who wants to accelerate without a trigger these days? Eventually though, through much trial and error you do get used to it. The handbrake is a lifesaver.

This is no Mario Kart or Crash Team Racing where you can only hold a single power-up. In Twisted Metal there are a bazillion power-ups you can pick up and switch between. What happens, to me anyway, is you just end up rapidly hitting fire, and watching your opponent’s health bar drain bit by bit as they’re pounded by missiles, lasers, and RC cars. It’s great, but then again the same can also happen to you.

Each vehicle has its strengths and weaknesses, and its own special abilities. One car has a flame thrower while another can throw taxis. Sweet Tooth’s ice cream van is practically a Transformer and can change into a mech. The Juggernaut on the other hand is a beast of a vehicle which is nigh impossible to turn corners in, but can knock your opponents senseless, racking up some nice easy kills. The helicopter can well… fly. The novelty soon wears off however. It’s hard enough dealing with all the freedom the ground entails. You are less of a target, but on the other side of things scoring kills ain’t as easy.

Besides the standard Deathmatch you can play various team objectives. In Nuke teams take turns between offense and defence. When attacking you need to grab the team leader, who is manning a turret somewhere in the map, and keelhaul him behind your vehicle. You then need to locate one of the missile launchers. One is usually off roaming about, while another is stationary. Both of which are pretty hard to use when you’re being shot at from every which direction. You have to stay confined to a small area until you die, or lady luck gets on your side and the missile launches, crashing into the opposing team’s giant statue.

While yes there is online, and it works pretty well too — provided you can find a game — Splitscreen is back once again. Yes that feature you thought was dead and gone. A flashback to the days of the Multitap. Though these days it’s a littler harder squeezing you and three buddies onto a couch. Playing with two people allows you the full use of each map. Four on the other hand leaves you with smaller sections of the wider map. Mind you when I say ‘smaller’ it’s actually still rather big. For four it’s perfect. 16 might be another story.

As for the maps there’s a decent selection. My least favourite being the one on top of skyscrapers. And I think my buddies agreed after a round of us committing mass suicide.  For some reason I remember Twisted Metal: Black being a lot more fun on rooftops. Either that or I’m repressing some haunting memories. As a general rule the levels have great verticality, lots of nooks and crannies to explore, tons of traps and environmental hazards.

Closing Comments

Twisted Metal does look newer and nicer in its reincarnation on the PS3. But ignoring that new coat of paint it’s essentially the same game played across the span of PlayStation consoles before it. The campaign didn’t interest me at all. Thankfully you can play it co-op which makes it at least bearable.

But really Twisted Metal was meant for the multiplayer. It’s a flashback to the days before Call of Duty unlocks, where the focus was on the fun, not on what you could earn. But I think some sort of perks system would have extended the life of the game. There is a tight knit community if you’re dead keen on online (mind that pesky PSN pass) and are in it for the long haul.

Jaffe is gonna set my head on fire for saying this, but my one recommendation (unless you’re a diehard fan) is to rent this puppy out, nab a couch or two and a big TV, grab a few mates and enjoy a night of ‘old school’ gaming.

Three, nearly four, months have passed since I first set my goals for the year. These are the ones remaining…

• Go on a date.
  Whatever the type — Classic, Blind, Online, Speed… But I have to try, even if it is the scariest thing on this damn list.

Yep still putting this one off. Love coach applications welcome. Please send your cover letter and CV with a self-addressed stamped envelope.

• Remove all clutter.
  I started this last year but my progress dropped off a bit. Well, completely. To embrace living with less stuff, especially when most of it is just clutter, I want to make digital copies of things I can’t bear to part with, and force myself to chuck or donate the rest.

Procrastination my old friend. I’ve barely touched the boxes of stuff. Some sits in my bedroom, some sits on the balcony. And it’s all stuff I’ll probably never need again. But I need to preserve it. I want to preserve it. Just need to find some space, some time, and some motivation.

• Write a novel.
  Encouraged by Stephen King’s book On Writing, I’m actually rather excited to spend my time creating a world over many, many, many pages. My first draft will likely take me a good few months, and I will learn first hand whether or not I have what it takes to write full-length fiction.

I’ve just gotten back into short stories so I think I’ll focus on that for now.

• Write a film screenplay.
  Towards the end of 2011 I found myself falling into screenwriting. Like the novel, but of course not like the novel at all, it will push my skills to the very limits. And here’s to it being something other than your standard Hollywood fluff.

I may try some more short film screenplays. Baby steps, baby steps.

• Publish a short stories collection.
  Hopefully with some more stories too by this stage, I will try my hand, and maybe even a foot, at digital publishing.

It’s been slow but I managed to write one story since the last time. And hopefully there’s many more to come still. I’m thinking of sending in a few to Radio New Zealand. 

• Flat with a friend.
  Thanks to last year’s goal I’ve moved out of home and I’m now flatting. But it’s a little lonely and I could do with a good friend or two to play Rock Band & Battleship.

No progress here unfortunately.

• Finish the Oxfam Trailwalk.
  I’ve wanted to do this for years, and seeing as I’m now out of school and have an athletic bunch of friends to boot; this year, it’s time.

So the weekend came and went, and it didn’t turn out quite like we hoped. Three of us had to pull out during the event. Damn knee! Only one of us made it to the finish, but we made sure to stick around to make sure he got there. Regardless of the failure it was a great trip and a great experience. Special thanks to all who supported us and donated.

• Meditate daily.
  I’ve toyed with self improvement, zen, minimalism and all sorts. But I just can’t find the time to sit in the quiet, to relax and be one with the world. I want to make this a part of my daily routine, just like my exercise and writing.

The 15 minutes thing isn’t working so I’ve decided to follow Leo Babauta’s 2 minute starter method. I mean who can’t spare 2 minutes? Well, me apparently. I need to pick a trigger to make sure the habit actually kicks in. After shaving  perhaps…

Freddy tried time and time again, practising alone by himself in the woods. But no matter the hours he put in he couldn’t straighten his arm any further or pull the string any tighter. His body was holding him back.

It was time for the daily hunt and Freddy was busy preparing arrows in his small thatched roof hut. He sat at his wooden table, made by his father, and sharpened each arrow head. He then put the finished arrows into his quiver made of goatskin.

He left his hut to join the crowd gathered in the centre of the village. Freddy felt everyone’s eyes on him as he approached. He slipped into the back of the hunter’s circle. In the centre stood Gregory Toothsaw, the best hunter in the village. While the older men had gone to raid other villages for supplies, Gregory remained to make sure these young men were prepared to provide for the village by themselves.

Gregory paced around the circle looking each young man in the eye. ‘You know the drill,’ barked Gregory. ‘First one back with a slain pig, deer, or three rabbits will win today’s challenge. No stealing, fighting, or deviance of any kind.’ The boys gripped their bows, waiting for the moment. Gregory raised his voice from a growl and into a shout, ‘Hunt hard!’

The circle immediately broke up and everyone raced out of the village and into the woods. Freddy ran with them but made a hard left. The boys went their separate ways, running past trees and jumping over roots. Freddy clutched his bow tightly to his chest as he stumbled over rocks and fallen trees. He made it further and further from the other hunters until he was alone in the woods, with nothing but the sound of insects and birds in the trees.

Freddy looked in each direction but he could see no movement. His eyes took to the ground in search of animal tracks. Nothing. He continued walking until he noticed a snapped branch at the height of his knees. Freddy examined the area, even sniffing the ground for a trace of his prey. A strong whiff took Freddy behind a shrub where some large droppings lay. Boar droppings. He poked at  them with a stick. Still fresh.

Freddy felt cold droplets of rain reach his bare skin. He looked up through the gaps in the trees to see dark, gloomy clouds. He knew he should turn back, get to shelter. But he was hot on the boar’s trail and he wouldn’t go back without its hulking carcass draped over his shoulders.

Freddy followed the trail left by the boar. Broken branches and disturbed earth led the way deeper into the woods. He made sure to follow quietly. Slow footsteps, minimising the crunch of leaves and twigs underfoot. Freddy felt his hairs stand up on the back of his neck, more from anticipation than the cold of the rain. The boar was close.

Freddy reached into the quiver on his back and retrieved an arrow which he fed into the bow and held it there. He brushed past more low lying shrubs, following the well marked path the board had left for him. Carefully stepping once more, a crunch of leaves sounded behind him. Freddy turned and pointed his weapon at the source of the sound. Nothing. Something didn’t feel right. A loud guttural roar shook the earth and the air around him. Freddy gasped and whirled back around. His arrow pointed at a jugular, a human jugular. It was Axel, one of the hunters. ‘Expecting something else?’ Axel smirked. ‘Best put that bow down before you hurt someone, namely yourself.’

‘I-I… sorry’, Freddy stammered.

‘No harm done Fred. I’m sure you would have misfired anyway,’ said Axel. ‘So, looks like we have the trail of some beasty then.’

‘Hey, I found the trail first.’

‘Now, now, is that the way to treat one of your fellow men? C’mon, first one to deadify that boar, wins.’

Freddy nodded reluctantly.

‘There you go,’ Axel punched Freddy in the shoulder and pushed forward along the boar’s trail. Rubbing his shoulder Freddy tailed right behind him.

‘So Fred,’ Axel toned down to a whisper. ‘What makes today so different huh? Do you really think you can take a big ol’ beasty on your lonesome? You find a bunch of performance enhancing berries or something?’

The rain was falling at a steady downpour now. The trees gave only little protection to Freddy and Axel as they explored the woods.

‘You don’t give up do you?,’ said Axel. ‘Well, maybe you should. Not everyone is cut out for hunting. Wait, I lied. Everyone in the village can hunt, except… well, you. Best stay back and let the professional deal with this. I’ve killed ten beasties in just this past week. What’s your track record? A rabbit carcass with its insides gutted by a wolf?’

Freddy continued to trudge silently behind Axel but his hands were clenched now and blood was rushing to his face.

A guttural growl sounded in the distance. This time it was the real deal. Axel pushed aside a branch and peeked through to a clearing where the boar lay in wait.

‘Boy it’s a big one,’ Axel reached into his quiver and procured an arrow.

‘It’s mine!’ Freddy snapped and smacked the arrow out of Axel’s hand.

‘You fogwitting poxhole!’ Axel fell to his hands and knees in search of the arrow.

The boar turned in the direction of the noise. Freddy steadied his bow and pulled back the string. He looked down the bow and began to shake. Freddy put every bit of himself into the arrow. Axel, the village, the other hunters. None of it mattered except the kill. Time slowed. Every breath was slow and constant. Pulling tighter, the string began to creak. Freddy released it. Fwoosh. The arrow broke out of the bow’s grip and sailed through the air. His eyes followed the arrow as it descended down toward its target.

Axel got to his feet and looked to the clearing. It was empty. The boar was gone. ‘I don’t believe it, you hailfrecken cheated and you still let it get away.’

Freddy’s arrow was stuck into a nearby tree. His heart sank and a hot cloud of embarrassment washed over him. He threw down his bow and ripped the quiver off his back.

‘What in Hawrick’s name are you doing?’ Axel gripped Freddy’s wrist.

Freddy broke free and ran back the way they had come, his eyes burning hot as he left Axel standing at the edge of the clearing. He ran until his feet bled, and continued to run still. He could never be a hunter. He could never be like the rest of them.

Freddy burst through some trees to find himself standing by the edge of a lake. He had taken a wrong turn, but instead of turning back Freddy sat by the water’s edge and carefully put each cut foot into the water. The lake was empty and Freddy looked into his reflection in the water. His eyes were red.

Something danced beneath the lake’s surface. Freddy recoiled as something tickled his toes. There in the water was a school of wildly animated fish. For what seemed like a lifetime Freddy continued to stare at the fish as they brushed past his feet.

And then it hit Freddy. Wild boar, deer, and rabbit weren’t the only meat the village needed. He may never be a hunter, but one day he could make a good fisherman. Freddy retreated back into the forest to find the perfect fishing spear.

It didn’t take him long. Soon Freddy had constructed a crude spear using a large branch and a spare arrowhead. The rain had stopped. Freddy approached the lake with renewed optimism and stabbed the spear down into its murky depths. He pulled the spear out, dripping with water, eager to see his impaled victim on the end of it. It was clear of all fish life. Puzzled, Freddy tries once again, plunging the spear into the lake. He pulls it out. Nothing. Freddy keeps at it, frantically impaling the water again and again. With a pained scream and a hefty toss, Freddy thrusts his spear into the air. It lands in the lake and gently floats away.

Freddy trudges back to the village. The pain from the earlier boar incident still stung, but now he truly felt defeated.

‘The thing is Fred, we aren’t the same,’ said Deremi Golkton. ‘Each of us have our own unique abilities. You just haven’t found yours yet.’ Inside a modest little hut Freddy nursed a cup of hot carrot soup. Aunty Deremi sat on a nearby chair propped up by cushions.

‘That’s what I thought you’d say,’ said Freddy, slurping as he drank the cup. ‘Then how come the rest of the boys can hunt? Why am I the only one who struggles?’

‘I can assure you you’re not the only one. Have you told the others?’

‘I don’t have to, they already know. I haven’t caught a living thing yet.’

‘Then what if one of the other boys was having issues? Just like you?’ Deremi pointed to the window. Freddy looked out to see Axel showing off his fresh boar carcass to Gregory Toothsaw.

‘What are you getting at?’

‘I’m getting at the truth Fred. Everyone struggles and a lot of the time they won’t admit it. It’s embarrassing.’

‘What’s embarrassing is how I handle my bow. How can I improve on that? No one is as bad as me.’

‘Practice. Patience. And something else beginning with P.’

‘Pain?’ smirked Freddy.

‘Exactly. One has to go through a lot of pain when learning a new skill.’

‘But I’ve practiced for hours. Days even.’

‘Then maybe it’s more about how you’re practising then the amount of time you put in’.

‘I had the same training as the rest of them. I did all the homework.’

‘As I said, everyone is different. Everyone learns at a different pace.’

‘What if I’m incapable of learning?’ Freddy mumbled into his cup. Now devoid of soup, chunks of carrot were left at the bottom.

‘Then you’d best leave,’ said Deremi, standing up and snatching the cup off Fred. ‘Why are you even here?’

Freddy got up. ‘I just wanted somebody to talk to.’

Deremi watched as he turned and left the hut.

Freddy entered his own hut and sat slumped on the floor, his head resting against the side of the bed.

‘Perhaps some people are meant to be failures,’ he sighed. He felt his eyes close all by themselves.

Freddy awoke to two solid knocks on his door. ‘Just a second,’ he half groaned. Freddy got up, wiped the saliva off his chin and opened the door.

‘Nice hairdo,’ said Jeremiah, one of the young hunters. Freddy took a hand to his hair and tried to flatten it rather unsuccessfully.

‘I’ve come to train you,’ said Jeremiah.

‘What, in hair styling?’ said Freddy.

‘If only. I’m afraid I only know how to hunt,’ said Jeremiah. ‘Deremi told me about your predicament…’

Freddy smirked.

‘… and yes I know you took the same lessons as the rest of us, but my father shared a few tricks with me before he left.’

Freddy bit his lip.

‘You do want to hunt don’t you?’

‘Yes. Yes of course I do. But I can’t. I don’t think a few tricks are going to fix anything.’

‘You can use my quiver,’ said Jeremiah as he handed it over.

‘Are you sure?’

Jeremiah nodded and Freddy took the quiver full of arrows.

‘Alrighty. Let’s go then. I know just the spot,’ said Jeremiah.

Freddy left his hut and followed Jeremiah to a clearing just outside the village.

‘Here we go,’ said Jeremiah. He readied his bow and took an arrow from the quiver still in Freddy’s hands.

‘But there’s nothing here,’ said Freddy.

‘You just need to look hard enough,’ Jeremiah pulled the bow tight and with a quick release the arrow sailed through the air and into a tree. Freddy looked puzzled as Jeremiah walked under the great oak tree and put his hands out. A bird’s nest fell neatly into Jeremiah’s outstretched hands. Inside the nest lay two speckled eggs, unbroken.

Freddy stood stunned, his mouth agape.

‘Now you try,’ Jeremiah passed the bow to Freddy. He cracked the egg and sucked out its insides. ‘Just pick a target and shoot.’

‘Look hard enough huh?’ Freddy readied his bow, scanning his surroundings. He focused on a little green apple still clutching onto its branch over 100 yards away. Freddy pulled the string tight.

‘Now just before you fire – here’s the tip.’ Jeremiah paused for a few moments just for emphasis. ‘Forget about the arrow. Forget about the bow. Concentration is killer. Instead, focus on say… a fine cup of mead or the blonde by the well. ‘

Freddy closed his eyes and began to picture the blonde by the well pouring a cup of mead. Jeremiah smiled.

‘Um.. the visualising is good, but you may still want to keep your eyes open. Just an idea.’

‘Oh’. Freddy’s eyelids fluttered open.

‘Okay, here goes… well, nothing.’ Freddy released the string and the arrow flew through the air. 100 yards away an apple fell from a tree, falling to the ground in shards.

‘By Hawrick I think he’s got it.’ Jeremiah gave a friendly wallop on Freddy’s back.

Freddy dropped the bow to the ground. Just as before he stood stunned, his mouth hanging open.

‘See it’s not as hard as you thought. Have a play, I’ll see you later for the hunt’. Jeremiah walked back into the village.

Hours later Freddy sat on a tree stump wiping his brow. 100 yards away dozens of green apples lay broken and scattered amongst the roots of the trees. Freddy swung the empty quiver onto his shoulder and walked back into the village with a smile on his face.

Two words: Joss. Whedon.

Having already seen Firefly and Dollhouse I knew I needed more of Joss’s masterstrokes. And that’s when I became obsessed with anything and everything Buffy.

Here are my top five episodes of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Note that all these choices are unique in their format. They aren’t ordinary Buffy episodes, which are great in their own right, especially with the quippage and the snappy dialogues. But when Joss goes off the rails and tries something completely different, well, supernatural stuff happens.

And in no particular order we have…

Hush

For nearly half an hour (27 minutes according to Wikipedia) there is not a single line of dialogue on screen. Harking back to the days of silent cinema where in turn the music becomes oh so more significant. The premise is some creepy beings called ‘The Gentleman’ came along and stole the voice from every Sunnydale citizen while they slept.

Forget The Master. Forget Adam. The Gentleman are the scariest villains in the entire series. They float around Sunnydale at night in Victorian suits and wooden teeth, smiling as they watch their wild straight-jacketed minions capture their prey. Then its time to carve out some human hearts. All in the most polite and courteous manner.

Buffy and Riley finally share their love with a kiss. But this is also the point of the season where Riley and Buffy find out each other’s secrets. One is a Slayer, and the other, a military man. Both are tasked with taking care of vampires and demons.

Joss, being the clever fellow that he is, uses the episode to demonstrate problems with communication. Once they lose speech everyone is able to express themselves more clearly – ironic huh? Though of course there are still a few blunders.

The ending is absolute gold. Riley and Buffy can finally talk again but instead they sit in silence, unsure where to begin.

Once More With Feeling

And I thought Joss Whedon’s Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog was good. This “musical” episode takes characters and a show we already know and love and well, turns it into a musical. Sweet, a demon, is summoned and casts a spell over the town of Sunnydale so that anyone can spontaneously burst into song at any given moment. Think Hush but in reverse.

Each character expresses their true feelings through song, finally things that they’ve been keeping secret come into the air. Buffy sings about her troubles and later about needing something worth singing about. Tara sings a lovely song about Willow only to find out about Willow’s magic meddling and so then she sings about how she has to leave her. Same with Giles to Buffy, in order to let her cope on her own. Xander and Anya sing about how they both love and hate each other and their uncertainty for the future. Unfortunately Willow doesn’t have her own song, only a few musical lines throughout. My favourite: “I think this line’s mostly filler”. Dawn’s song is interrupted and becomes a ballet of sorts. Spike sings about his torn heart for Buffy.

Walk Through The Fire is a damn epic and features heavily on my iPod along with the rest of the album. Yes, there’s even a Buffy album.

The Body

Warning! Pretty major spoiler ahead.

Right, you Buffy virgins all gone? Good.

So avid Buffy watchers, you must know that this is the episode in which Buffy’s mother, Joyce Summers, dies. Boy did I bawl my eyes out during those 45 minutes. Well, more like a constant drip.

There is no music throughout the episode. Everything is slowed right down to real-time, Breaking Bad style. In stark contrast to all the supernatural deaths on the show, this one is natural, a cerebral aneurysm. Joss’s mother went the same way.

Joyce was in recovery from her operations that season and in true Whedon fashion he killed her off right at her happiest point – being given flowers after a first date.

Everyone in the Scooby Gang deals with the death in their own special way. Buffy imagines scenarios in which Joyce survived. Xander throws his fist into a wall. Willow can’t decide what would be appropriate to wear. Anya, relatively new to the whole human emotion deal, breaks down. Dawn goes to see Joyce’s body in the morgue, by herself. And the only supernatural bit in the episode happens when a vampire rises from an operating table, in a tense. rough battle made all the more scary without music.

Again Joss pushes the boundaries of what TV can do. Without such a creative risk taker something like this would never have made it to air. It’s so raw and unlike any Buffy episode before it. This death meant something.

Restless

Instead of defeating the Big Bad in in a massive build up (that happened the episode before), this season finishes off with something quite different.

Due to using some big magicks to defeat Adam, four of the Scoobies are trapped inside their dreams, stalked by the First Slayer, an ancient African female, primal in her urges to slay. It would pay to watch the director’s commentary after this one. Much of the episode is spent inside the dream space. While Joss does say that most of the symbols should be taken quite literally it can still be a tad hard to decipher without the codex of a good director’s commentary.

Xander has the best dream by far and I’m not saying that because of the off-screen lesbian action! He has to conquer his fear of his failure from his long string of jobs and living in his parent’s basement. The long chase scene through each film set is incredible, Xander always ending up at the root of all his fear, the basement and what it stands for. Buffy’s Mum tries to seduce Xander which is awkward for him even after he’s freed from the dream.

The Cheese Man. What does he represent? We may never know. Joss says he’s completely random and without meaning, but I know better. The cheese Man is the answer to everything!

Fool For Love

The only non-Joss Whedon episode to make my list. And that award goes to Doug Petrie who wrote the screenplay for this unmissable glimpse into Spike’s backstory. Sure it’s mostly in flashback as Spike tells his story to Buffy, but it’s flashbacks we haven’t seen before – LOST style. After a near death encounter Buffy seeks out Spike’s experience with killing slayers so she can avoid encountering the same fate.

Who would’ve guessed badass Spike was a nancy mummy’s boy and a poet? The Master sired Darla who sired Angel who sired Drusilla who sired Spike, or rather, William.

All it takes is one bite to the neck and soon the meek boy William becomes a confident bloodthirsty vamp. So confident that we see Spike take on his first slayer in China in 1900.

Fast-forward to the 70’s where Spike faces off against a slayer on a New York subway train in an epic battle. Plus get a look at Spike’s outfit!

Like many of you Spike became my favourite character of the series. Where sometimes Buffy would be mopey Spike would always have something smart to say no matter his current state of mind.

That’s all folks. Off to watch Angel I go.

Before Nathan Drake and Victor Sullivan there was another duo in town; Jak and Daxter. Naughty Dog’s last series of games took place on the PlayStation 2.

And I was smitten. I played all three games as well as the spinoff Jax X: Combat Racing. Which wasn’t such a bad game guys. Really.

Instead of treating this as a new release (it clearly isn’t) I will briefly go over each of the games and discuss some pointers about the HD release.

Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy

Jak and Daxter was my first PS2 game. Now there’s a bit of a backstory to this. For Christmas one year our family received a PS2. As it was a big ticket item it was meant for us all to share. But really it was my brother and I who became the guardians of the black box.

We went away to Christchurch for the holidays. As we got home my Mum and stepdad forewarned us that we were robbed while we were away. Some filthy lowlife had nicked our PS2 along with a bunch of other high-tech items. We were devastated.

A month or so into the next year my siblings and I visited Australia for the first time with our Dad. I walked into an electronics shop and picked up Jak and Daxter off the shelf. I was new to the Australian dollar and it seemed a bargain even though I used up all my spending money in one hit. We no longer had a PS2 but for some reason I just knew I would get the chance to play it. I would make it happen.

And wouldn’t you know it, later in the year our PS2 was returned by the police, found along with most of the other stolen gear. The controllers had fingerprinting dust stuck inside the analog sticks but they still worked. We had our PS2 back and I could finally play Jak and Daxter. Goodbye study time.

Having played the Crash Bandicoot series back on the PlayStation I knew what kind of platforming goodness I was in for. If you hadn’t guessed Naughty Dog was my favourite developer in this time of my life. Later Valve took the mantle. Sorry guys.

Naughty Dog stayed close to its roots with Jak and Daxter. The biggest change in their design would have to be going open world and giving the player full camera control. No more bandicoot backside.

Jak had a spin attack just like Crash, was a mute just like Crash – in the first game Jak was merely another skin for Crash Bandicoot. Luckily we have Daxter, the adorable, hilarious – and very orange – little ottsel. Although he didn’t end up helping, with anything really, at least he provided us with companionship.

Like all platforming games it’s a bit of a collect-athon. Power cells are like the stars in Super Mario 64. And the precursor orbs are scattered everywhere like the yellow coins. You have your boss fights and your vastly varying environments.

Jak II: Renegade

This one doesn’t have much of a story but I did buy it from Dick Smith soon after it came out with its $110 price tag. I don’t remember ever spending that much money on a single game before that. Crossing the $100 threshold let me in on the Dick Smith VIP club. The card that I still hold in my wallet today.

If you ever wanted to see a game reboot itself – drastically – this one’s a pretty decent example. Jak probably undergoes the most transformation of any videogame character in just the first five minutes of the game. I guess to be fair there is a “two years later” title card.

No longer an innocent, silent elf, Jak is seen with a new hairdo and a gruff demeanour. He’s even sporting a goatee. As we all know goatees can make anyone into a badass. Being pumped with “Dark Eco” is the reason behind this drastic transformation. While I never found the first game wanting, I guess Naughty Dog needed a kick in the pants to stray further from its safe zone.

Gone is the lovely themed ice, lava, and grass worlds. Here is the dirty metropolis of the future; Haven City. Featuring flying cars and Orwellian cameras and city security. Jak now wields guns and the powers of Dark Eco. Stealing the GTA city and mission structure Jak II is a radical departure from the first game. And it was worth the risk. I loved it. Did I mention hoverboards?

Jak 3: No Subtitle Necessary

My stories are getting less and less romantic. I waited for this one to come down in price. Probably after spending so much on Jak II I thought I’d play the game stock market and wait for the eventual decline.

While not quite the departure from the first to the second game Jak 3 took a big focus on vehicles and racing across a Wasteland that surrounds Haven City. You will return to Haven City but it’s not the same bustling city you left behind.

You want more? You got it. The yang to his yin, literally, Jak earns the powers of Light Eco enabling powers of flight and time. Did I mention hanggliders?

All and all it’s a satisfying conclusion to the series.

The Trilogy Re-Release

So you want to know about the differences in this re-release do you? They say it’s in 720p and I may as well believe them, it looks pretty good. All besides the HUD which does look a little blurry on a modern display. Unlike Beyond Good and Evil HD the HUD has not been remade which is a little unfortunate. On the upside the character models aren’t as jaggy as you’d think. Lovely curves and lines. Lots of solid colour. It doesn’t look like a PS3 game at any stretch but it won’t burn out your eyeballs either.

There’s even 3D support. As I’m but a lowly temp and can’t afford a 3D setup, you flash guys will have to test that one out yourselves.

I was confused at first but there is Trophy support for each game. You’ll have to start each game from the disc menu for the trophy collection to load for each game. It truly is three games in one.

Verdict? If you played these games as much as I have you might find it a bit difficult completing each game for the umpteenth time. But for those still into their platforming, especially the young’ns out there, I’d recommend this epic trilogy wholeheartedly. Jak and Daxter is my Sony duo of choice. Sorry Ratchet and Clank.

Two months have passed since I first set my goals for the year.

• Pass the Restricted Driver’s Licence Test.
  This goal carries on from last year (and loosely seven or so years). I gave up after the first try and for that I’m more ashamed than failing in the first place. Time to get behind the wheel, loosen up and just do it.

So I did it! I passed my Restricted! Thanks to my instructor and to everyone who has helped or encouraged me along the way. The test went pretty smoothly I think. There was a moment at the end there when the instructor turned to me and said I needed to check the side streets more and be smoother at taking off with the clutch. I felt a pit in my stomach. I was ready to accept failure. And then as a casual aside, “I passed you”. So there it is, I now own my NZ Restricted Driver’s Licence — Manual edition.

• Go on a date.
  Whatever the type — Classic, Blind, Online, Speed… But I have to try, even if it is the scariest thing on this damn list.

Think I’ll need to nab a love coach for this. I’m not at all sure how to go about, well, any of it. But I do know I need to get over my current crush. The sooner the better.

• Remove all clutter.
  I started this last year but my progress dropped off a bit. Well, completely. To embrace living with less stuff, especially when most of it is just clutter, I want to make digital copies of things I can’t bear to part with, and force myself to chuck or donate the rest.

So I bought a camera. I took some snaps. I threw out some old junk, and I’ve been holding onto some pretty weird stuff; old baby teeth and cat fur from our first cat, deceased over ten years ago. I’ve still got a long way to go. And now my room is full of boxes of old school books I don’t know how to part with.

• Buy a car.
  Once I have the licence things will get a lot easier (and more expensive) with a car. I won’t have to bike in drenched clothes and a heavy backpack just to get to the other side of town. Plus, the freedom. Oh the freedom. Between the hours of 5 and 10 of course.

Another goal crossed off the list. Thanks to my good friend Gregor who gave me a 1993 Ford Laser. For free! There’s still a few things I need to do; clean the windows, fix the radio. And there’s a problem with the driver’s side window.  But it handles very well and I’ve been hooning safely coasting up and down Upper Hutt and Stokes Valley. I will need to venture further south some day to make sure I don’t lose the confidence. I’ve never driven into Wellington so that’s a good a goal as any.

• Write a novel.
  Encouraged by Stephen King’s book On Writing, I’m actually rather excited to spend my time creating a world over many, many, many pages. My first draft will likely take me a good few months, and I will learn first hand whether or not I have what it takes to write full-length fiction.

My writing in general has taken a bit of a backseat. I’ve found it hard to get back into that groove. I know when I set aside different writing activities, one every week day, I actually made good progress. I think I’ll revert to that system. Again it’s not a novel, but it’s writing. And the more I do the better I will… do.

• Write a film screenplay.
  Towards the end of 2011 I found myself falling into screenwriting. Like the novel, but of course not like the novel at all, it will push my skills to the very limits. And here’s to it being something other than your standard Hollywood fluff.

I haven’t written a screenplay since I edited one for Oosh Multimedia’s upcoming short film. It may take a few more short stories, but I am aiming to write my own short film from scratch. Whether or not it actually gets made, that’s besides the point. Not a feature film screenplay just yet.

• Publish a short stories collection.
  Hopefully with some more stories too by this stage, I will try my hand, and maybe even a foot, at digital publishing.

As mentioned above about the novel, writing short stories is going to be one of my daily writing activities. So here’s hoping when I get my groove back you’ll be seeing one short story a week. I’ll make sure to save some as exclusives for the collection.

• Flat with a friend.
  Thanks to last year’s goal I’ve moved out of home and I’m now flatting. But it’s a little lonely and I could do with a good friend or two to play Rock Band & Battleship.

Next week I would’ve had a new flatmate but they pulled out, just as unexpectedly as they dropped in. My landlord tells me he’s got some more prospective clientele so we’ll see if anything eventuates there.

• Finish the Oxfam Trailwalk.
  I’ve wanted to do this for years, and seeing as I’m now out of school and have an athletic bunch of friends to boot; this year, it’s time.

Three weeks to go. I’m freaking out… just a little. We’ve been on walks but I don’t think we’ve done anything near the magnitude of what we’re about to do. And our fundraising is quite a way off, but I do have a fundraiser in motion that will, with any luck, get us on top of things.

• Go clubbing.
  Me? Dancing? Fuhgeddaboudit! But a certain liquid must be consumed to at least entertain the possibility.

Done and dusted. The first goal off my list. I went along to a dance fundraiser with Graeme and some workmates. I ate nibbles, wore a glow stick, and heck, even danced. It may haven taken a few vodka mother’s, but I swayed. I nodded. My limbs actually made movement.

• Meditate daily.
  I’ve toyed with self improvement, zen, minimalism and all sorts. But I just can’t find the time to sit in the quiet, to relax and be one with the world. I want to make this a part of my daily routine, just like my exercise and writing.

This should’ve been the first thing on my list to get sorted. To melt my mind like butter and relax my muscles before tackling the worries of the day. But I’ve been putting it off and there’s really no excuse. Anyone, especially me, can spare a quick 15 minutes.

• CHANCE.
  This space is reserved because sometimes you just can’t plan your accomplishments. They end up finding you. And uh, I couldn’t think of a twelfth thing…

So the Switchfoot thing didn’t work out, they cancelled. And I’m writing this up in Auckland. But I think I found something worthy of the Chance card. And that is Donate Blood. Much like the Trailwalker I’ve wanted to do it for a long time but I’ve always chickened out, until last month. I convinced Graeme to come along with me, and like the trooper that he is, he did. His first time too.

It wasn’t without its hiccups. I was nervous. I managed to get through the whole process okay. The St. Johns staffer showed me a little bag of blood and I was surprised at how small it was. He then said it was the blood to be tested. And he reached down and pulled up a much bigger bag of blood. Blood that had just come out of me. I started to feel woozy. The room went fuzzy. My hands felt the most intense pins and needles of my life. The staffer warned me not to close my eyes. I told myself I was being stupid, that I could control this, it was just my body being silly. I was okay, but the anxious staff didn’t put my mind at ease. They wired up an oxygen tank and made wear a mask for a few minutes. After a period of time I began to feel better. The pins and needles disappeared and my hands stopped shaking. I was okay to go home.

So it’s going to be another big battle should I choose to do it again. But I know how important the blood is, and everyone who donates is a star in my books.  Oh and if you were wondering, I’m A Positive.

Shank is very much like our friend Kratos; he duel wields sharp objects, isn’t afraid of a little blood, and his face wears a big ugly scowl.

While I didn’t manage to check out the first Shank, Shank 2 on its own has a commendable fighting system, smooth controls, and a very pleasing graphic art style. Not to mention blood — lots and lots of blood.

The game is broken up into stages, each one with its own unique environment. Now they do look pretty, but the exploration is limited to taking a left turn and picking up a collectable. I understand it’s a 2D game, but the level design is very straightforward and uneventful. Apart from the odd slippery slope and environment switch there’s just not much going on. At least the focus is on the combat.

Part beat-em-up, part shoot-em-up, at the start of each stage Shank 2 gives you the choice of a melee weapon, a projectile, and an explosive. Shank starts off with his trusty machetes and throwing knives, but eventually you can use a chainsaw and shotgun to blow your foes away.

Using the left analog stick you can aim your projectile weapon in a 360 degree radius which is rather helpful when taking out guys above you. Your heavy weapon can effectively shred folks down to size, while your normal attack can be used to start combos and hit guys into the air.

If it tickles your fancy you can throw enemies around and counter-attack using the same button. You can achieve some prettty nassty deaths using these counter attacks. This game ain’t for the kiddies. Also there’s a neat move which launches Shank into the air. The screen blurs as Shank takes his epic landing, pinning an enemy to the ground.

Your projectile weapon is accessible at all times which means you can be a badass and shoot in the air. This helps Shank defy gravity for as long as you can fire bullets. It looks crazy to see Shank float to the ground but it does help clear yourself out of harm’s way. The slicing and dicing is fluid from one foe to the next and often you’ll be switching between all three weapons in under a second.

The enemies aren’t too varied, just guys and gals of different builds and sizes. The bosses throughout are mostly huge muscly dudes. But they do put up quite the fight. Playing on Normal I died repeatedly until I nailed the pattern or just got lucky. I now know it’s dangerous to drink and game. I almost felt compelled to throw my controller across the room. Folks, pick your drinking games wisely.

Survival mode is in addition to the main campaign. Playing on one screen with a buddy — if you can find one — you must defeat all invading waves while defusing the ticking time bombs. The ideal situation is you catching the terrorists before they plant a bomb. Trying to disarm a bomb with enemies in a flurry all around you – not easy. Each level has one environmental hazard which you can use to your advantage.

As mentioned the game is gorgeous, comprising of environments and characters straight out of a graphic novel. Some screens will come right out and say ‘Hey, look at me, see how pretty I am’. It’s usually the game’s artists taking to black and white silhouettes. As for the cut-scenes, they’re okay looking, but the dialogue is just terrible. Thankfully they don’t go on for too long.

Closing Comments

Shank 2 is a very decent brawler. However you might be done with it rather soon. There’s not much reason to go back to the campaign unless you have a thing for character skins. And the Survival mode whilst entertaining probably won’t keep you either.

On the positive, it looks bloody good, and the combat is incredibly fluid. It has enough challenge to kill you, but never frustrates to the point of you hanging up your carving tools and calling it a day.

Released 8 February 2012. Available on PSN for $18.90.

“It’s numbers mate. Only numbers.”
– Alex

After last week’s very depressing end we’re introduced to a brand new character; Alex Henley.

Warning: Spoilers follow.

We wake up with Alex in his nautical themed room. He gets ready and makes breakfast for his memory challenged gran. She’s not afraid of saying anything offensive either but Alex takes it in his stride. The first hint of trouble arises when Alex’s dad calls in to prepare gran for a home. Something neither of which Alex or gran are keen for.

At the bus stop Alex fiddles with a die and reads a note with corresponding actions for each number. We can’t read the whole thing but there’s choices to streak, punch, kiss, wank, and run. But before he can roll the die the bus arrives.

It’s Alex’s first day at Roundview and after meeting Doug, now headmaster, and at his dad’s meddling he’s thrust into ICT along with the rest of the skins we’ve grown so attached to.

In the cafeteria Alex is sitting alone, tapping the die against the table. We see Grace’s portrait among some flowers. Alex then looks over at Liv and sees her pouring some hard alcohol into her coffee cup. Liv spots Alex staring at her and the two share smiles. Alex pulls out his card and we see for the first time all six actions:

1. Streak in a public place

2. Punch the next person to walk in

3. Kiss the person next to you

4. Do everything backwards

5. Have a wank. NOW!

6. Run away

I used to use an eraser myself as a mock magic eight ball, each side corresponding to a yes, no, or maybe. So not quite the same as Alex’s number system. Because here he means business. He rolls a 2. We see Nick and Alo walk in the door. But Alo is lucky first. Alex walks right up to him and punches him in the face. He quickly apologises and helps him to his feet. Alo is bewildered and Alex quickly walks out with everyone’s eyes on him, including Liv who smiles in astonishment.

Liv is having a falling out with Mini. The two are taking Grace’s death quite hard. Liv walks up to Alex and asks what his problem is. He looks at his die. “If you live by this, everything’s random”

He rolls a three and gives Liv a good smooch, until she slaps him in the face. Any normal girl would walk away at this point but she’s intrigued by Alex and the two walk together to Alex’s place. He introduces her to his gran. We learn more about gran’s husband who as it turns out was a sailor. Alex reads his grandfather’s travel diary as gran lies in bed.

Alex meets the gang in a bar, all sitting quietly and keeping to themselves.

Mini sums up my thoughts exactly. “We don’t need any new friends.”

But by this point I know I’ve started to like the character. I don’t see him as a replacement for Grace. He tries to learn more about her but everyone finds it offensive for him to be talking about her.

Liv goes off with Alex to a dingy warehouse with poker tables hidden out back. Alex wins the round against his final opponent, with a full house in fact. Alex is accused of cheating and the two settle it with another of Alex’s chance devices; the coin toss. Except as we soon find out, the coin is heads on both sides of the coin. The two manage to escape with the handfuls of cash. Liv looks like she madly wants to kiss Alex, but he’s blissfully unaware. He sends her off in a taxi and kisses her on the cheek, which again confuses Liv.

Alex pulls out his smart phone and loads an app called CruisR. The screen is littered with display pictures of guys. He selects the profile of a dude only 15 metres away. Next we see Alex in the throws of passion with… another guy. Suddenly it makes sense, that’s the reason he’s been coy about Liv’s advances. And I made that prediction about Liv potentially hooking up with Rich (too soon?), so that’s still up in the air now. Alex leaves the guy (a lot older than his pic showed to be) with a few criticisms, and tears up the cash on offer.

Liv and Alex break into a home, another one of the dice dares. They find a mess of a house and they tidy the place to freak out the owner. Liv advances on Alex but before Alex has time to explain the owner walks in the door, and the duo make their escape.

The two head to Alex’s home where they find his dad packing up gran’s things. Alex and his dad argue and Alex is left to pack up the rest. He doesn’t.

Everyone is hanging at the bar. Alex is growing closer to the group as Nick makes fun of his lists. A pretentious twat comes in and starts talking up a memorial service for Grace. There couldn’t be a worse faker out there and the gang is beyond peeved.

Mini has a fight with Liv and Liv takes off. Alex chases Liv to the bathroom and finally reveals to Liv that he’s gay. Liv takes this quite harshly, even Mini takes her side, and Alex runs away in shame.

Alex comes home to find his gran has overdosed on pills. Rather than be taken to a home, she decided to go her own way.

The service starts, and the gang heads along. While the twat and his accomplice begin a cringe worthy musical item, Liv gets so upset she trashes the keyboard and exposes herself to the crowd. The second part I don’t get myself. But it seemed to make sense to her at the time.

Alex tries to reconcile with Liv over the phone while waiting nearby.

Alex invites the group out for a cruise, where we discover he wants to send his gran out to sea for her burial. There the gang help him push the coffin into the sea. Alex says she can be their stand-in for Grace, as they weren’t allowed to attend the funeral (déjà vu anyone?). Alex recites his granddad’s diary one last time, and there are tears all around. I found myself rather swept up in the moment too. Mini and Liv are back on good terms. We hear in on a phone call from Franky to Matty. She tells him to never come back. Huh, and I thought she was nice again?

Alex rolls the die one more time: Run away. They jump into the sea. The last shot is of them diving for the die.

A little surprisingly Rich is nowhere to be seen in this episode. There is a moment where he is mentioned when Nick and Alo walk into the cafeteria. Blink and you’ll miss it. I guess it makes sense. His pain must be unbearable, and we witnessed most of it in the last episode. However I do hope we get to see him soon and how he’s coping.

I thought it would be a little strange to introduce a brand new character to a cast we’re already well acquainted with, but it turned out just fine. Great in fact. Alex is a fascinating new character, and as long as they don’t over-do the dice stuff, he should fit right in with the gang and hopefully ease their suffering as they grieve for Grace.

A month has passed since I set my goals for the year, and thanks to some nudging I’m going to share what progress I’ve made.

• Pass the Restricted Driver’s Licence Test.
  This goal carries on from last year (and loosely seven or so years). I gave up after the first try and for that I’m more ashamed than failing in the first place. Time to get behind the wheel, loosen up and just do it.

I’ve been practising throughout January. Even booked a bunch load of lessons with an AA instructor. Screw the money I’m gonna get this right! I’ve also had some drives with friends and family. I think I‘ve improved a lot, and to my surprise now I even feel comfortable in the driver’s seat. My test is next Friday, and hopefully I’ll have something positive to share that day.

• Go on a date.
  Whatever the type — Classic, Blind, Online, Speed… But I have to try, even if it is the scariest thing on this damn list.

I tried not to think about this one. And I’ll probably make excuse after excuse in order to avoid it. I’ll get there… one day.

• Remove all clutter.
  I started this last year but my progress dropped off a bit. Well, completely. To embrace living with less stuff, especially when most of it is just clutter, I want to make digital copies of things I can’t bear to part with, and force myself to chuck or donate the rest.

I haven’t really made much progress on this one. In fact I might have even more stuff than before! But I’m buying a camera to catalogue the old clutter so I can finally bin it. I’ve been better about keeping stuff in its home, and bought some nice new containers to do just that. Just don’t look in my closet or under the bed.
“A place for everything and everything in its place.”

• Buy a car.
  Once I have the licence things will get a lot easier (and more expensive) with a car. I won’t have to bike in drenched clothes and a heavy backpack just to get to the other side of town. Plus, the freedom. Oh the freedom. Between the hours of 5 and 10 of course.

I have some prospects regarding the acquisition of a vehicle. Stay tuned.

• Write a novel.
  Encouraged by Stephen King’s book On Writing, I’m actually rather excited to spend my time creating a world over many, many, many pages. My first draft will likely take me a good few months, and I will learn first hand whether or not I have what it takes to write full-length fiction.

So, I started a novel. I woke up at 5.30AM, turned on my laptop, and… not much came out. I wrote a few chapters over the next few days, but I wasn’t pleased with it. I may end up salvaging the ideas into a short story. A novel is a big project not to be taken lightly and it’ll have to be something I come back to.

• Write a film screenplay.
  Towards the end of 2011 I found myself falling into screenwriting. Like the novel, but of course not like the novel at all, it will push my skills to the very limits. And here’s to it being something other than your standard Hollywood fluff.

I never did get around to finishing my Buffy fan fiction, let alone starting a new screenplay. Like the novel it’s a big endeavour, and I feel that I just don’t have enough free time sans getting up at dawn and drooling on my keyboard.

• Publish a short stories collection.
  Hopefully with some more stories too by this stage, I will try my hand, and maybe even a foot, at digital publishing.

I wrote one short story and plan to write many more before the year is out. If you spot any errors, inconsistencies, or just plain bad grammar in any of my short stories, please let me know. That way I can write up some definitive versions for the collection!

• Flat with a friend.
  Thanks to last year’s goal I’ve moved out of home and I’m now flatting. But it’s a little lonely and I could do with a good friend or two to play Rock Band & Battleship.

I’m alone during the week now so I seemed to have made, negative progress? If that is a thing. In lieu of a new flatting situation I can always host more get-togethers.

• Finish the Oxfam Trailwalk.
  I’ve wanted to do this for years, and seeing as I’m now out of school and have an athletic bunch of friends to boot; this year, it’s time.

It’s on! We’re registered, been on a few walks, and gearing up for the training weekend. I’ve started walking everywhere instead of biking. Fundraising isn’t going so well yet, but I still have hope. Sponsor us please!

• Go clubbing.
  Me? Dancing? Fuhgeddaboudit! But a certain liquid must be consumed to at least entertain the possibility.

Done and dusted. The first goal off my list. I went along to a dance fundraiser with Graeme and some workmates. I ate nibbles, wore a glow stick, and heck, even danced. It may haven taken a few vodka mother’s, but I swayed. I nodded. My limbs actually made movement.

• Meditate daily.
  I’ve toyed with self improvement, zen, minimalism and all sorts. But I just can’t find the time to sit in the quiet, to relax and be one with the world. I want to make this a part of my daily routine, just like my exercise and writing.

Ethan’s been helping me with this one. I certainly feel better when I do it. I prefer the lying down approach. It’s gonna take some time to make it a habit, but like my daily exercises I’m sure I can make it work.

• CHANCE.
  This space is reserved because sometimes you just can’t plan your accomplishments. They end up finding you. And uh, I couldn’t think of a twelfth thing…

Not much to report here but I am going to see Switchfoot next month in Auckland. It’s not personal growth or anything, but hey, music and travel!