It’s her. I can’t bare to look at her anymore, but I do it anyway. I notice everything about her. The way her wrist bangles jingle as she walks. The way her hair falls over her shoulders. I know it’s wrong. I know it can never be. But I still get that feeling. Is it sex drive? Loneliness? Love? I don’t know. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. But knowing me and my limited experience, that’s not much of an accomplishment.

When she talks to me, I hear more than just words. I hear the sincerity and the kindness behind them. Her voice is silky as she speaks my name, and her laugh is as warm as the sun.

We’re friends.

But I want something more.

At least part of me does. I try to tell myself to forget it. Believe me I’ve tried. But the thoughts don’t stop coming. When I’m home doing chores, I think of her. When I go to sleep, I think of her. Wherever I am, whatever I’m doing, she will pop right into my head. I know it’s an obsession, but I just can’t quiet my mind. I tell myself it’s infatuation, hormones… But it doesn’t help. I’m slave to the idea that one day we could be together.

It’ll never happen.

She doesn’t see me that way, and I just can’t let go. Even if Hell froze over and I found someone else these feelings might never go away. Perhaps it’s best to leave, just run away, put her out of my mind completely. Or then there’s the opposite approach. Risk the friendship. Tell her you like-like her. We all know that never goes down well — unless it does.

There I go again, putting false hope into my stupid little monkey brain. I am not experienced at this, at feeling this way. Though if we didn’t have these feelings there would be no procreation. The human race would die out. These feelings are meant to drive someone towards making a move, not drive them crazy with inaction.

There she goes again wearing that gorgeous dress, though of course I’d never say anything. Or compliment her on her looks. I’m such a gentleman I will avoid staring at her. But despite my pride I can’t help but take sneak peeks. I scold myself for it, but something else is controlling my eyes. I am slave.

It’s not just her looks mind you. In fact I hardly ever noticed her beauty before she started paying attention to me. I guess that’s it then. The classic fall in love with someone who pays the slightest bit of attention to you because you’re such a pathetic loser routine.

I can’t wait to see her. But then I can switch just like that. I get annoyed at her just as easily as I fall for her. When she talks about other guys and ex-lovers, it hurts. I don’t exist. I’m way down here, not up with the good looking men and potential suitors. I am just a lowly interpreter for the entire male population.

I would do anything for her, you know the old line. I would tell myself I’d be the best damn boyfriend in existence. That I would excel in leaps and bounds in my kindness, adoration, and understanding. But I know that’s not true. Relationships are hard, especially ones of the romantic variety. Not that I’d know of course. But I’ve heard enough stories to know even the good guy can fall from the grace.

Quick, she’s on her way over. I bring up my hand in a sad, hesitant wave, and quickly drop it back to my side. She motions to the footpath and together we walk down the bustling city street. Unconsciously she pushes her hair back behind her ears whilst moaning about her new boyfriend. I just grin and walk alongside her. Like a doofus.

When Uncharted 2 came out in late 2009 many of us, myself included, praised the game beyond measure. In fact it was most likely our game of the year. It was always going to be tough act to follow, but this is Naughty Dog we’re talking about here. 

And pull it off they did. Uncharted 3 features the same whiz-bang graphics, narration, and action. But for some reason it just wasn’t as memorable. Perhaps other great games overshadowed it last year. Or maybe threequels have a disadvantage, now that things aren’t as shiny and new as they once were…

Single Player

Nathan Drake, like Indiana Jones before him, is up to no good again, trying to solve another of Sir Francis Drake’s uncharted voyages (see what I did there?). It’s another globe trotting adventure, taking Drake and friends across London, France, Syria, and Yemen.

The story doesn’t pull an Uncharted 2. Instead of starting off near the end of the story, it’s pretty much linear time from the get go — excluding the flashbacks to Drake’s childhood. Running around as lil’ Drake is quite a strange experience, and yet as a spry wee thing he’s a little more believable than big Drake at climbing up drainpipes.

Sully, Chloe, and Elena all make appearances. Plus a new British chap, Cutter, who is a welcome add to the mix with all his quips and a new accent. The big bad of the day is British born Katherine Marlowe. A rich and powerful lady.

There’s no doubt that Uncharted is amazing when it comes to dialogue and characters. The plot itself leaves much to be desired however. But as an imitation of a big budget action flick I suppose I can’t complain.

At it’s core Uncharted is a third-person shooter. Though some folks thought the controls were worse I didn’t find any problems with it. Guns fire, bullets hit, men go down.

I did notice that the mêlée combat has been improved. The introductory fight scene in a dingy London bar shows this off rather well. Besides the standard 1-2 punch, Drake will grab an object in his vicinity and use it as a weapon, whether that’s a beer bottle or a fridge door.

As much as it sounds strange I’m saying this, at times Uncharted 3 could go over the top. There are moments where everything feels so unbelievable. I know it’s supposed to be a videogame, but it really pulls you out of the experience when you’re questioning the laws of physics and the plausibility of things. Running over the exploding rooftop of the Chateau springs to mind. Though the cargo plane sequence did turn out pretty awesome. 

The action continues to build and build until you’re not really in control any longer and it just happens to you. And Drake will never miss a handhold — he may slip and act dramatically but as long as you keep moving you’ll be fine. This takes a lot of the suspense away. With the port level at least I felt like I had some agency. It felt a little more open worldy.

In contrast Uncharted 3 does use quiet (non-shooting) bits really effectively. Simply walking around an environment and taking everything in does break up the constant shooting and dodging of explosions.

The game is beautiful. No doubt about that. Naughty Dog managed to step up in this department, from Uncharted 2, an already gorgeous game. The tech to create the rippling sand dunes, the impact of water, and fire spreading is just amazing. Watch that wallpaper curl!

Multiplayer

I enjoyed Uncharted 2’s multiplayer. The mix of climbing and gunplay felt like something entirely new. It was not just another shooter. The offering is expanded upon here, adding Call of Duty style perks, customization and all that jazz. Split-screen & LAN support is also a nice wee gesture.

The maps are well varied, taking place around levels from the campaign whether that’s a city of high-rises, a subway, or a middle eastern village. The cinematic set pieces are something altogether new and inspired from the single-player mayhem. It still feels like they could be refined a little, but it’s a pretty interesting concept I’d like to see expanded upon if there were to be another Uncharted game (I’m holding out for Naughty Dog’s Uncharted kart racer). By set pieces I mean like a fight between several moving trains, a plane taking off down a runway, or a crumbling floor in a chateau. You will also find plenty of zip lines and turrets for more environment interaction.

You have your typical standard fare of modes: Deathmatch, King of the Hill etc. But there’s also a mode or two that feels rather new. Co-op Hunter Arena is half-horde, half-capture-the-flag. You face off against a nasty bunch of AI baddies but to make things interesting two of the henchmen are controlled by two human players. As the round progresses and you rack up kills you can select better equipped henchmen, one of the heavy armoured dudes or maybe even a sniper.

The co-op missions have a lot to be desired. They feel like dumbed-down single player missions with really the only focus being the shooting. I would have appreciated some puzzle solving or at least something to make the co-op, well… co-op. Areas from Uncharted 2 are re-used, and old enemies who should really be dead are brought back from the grave. There are a few cinematic pieces such as climbing a Syrian tower and shooting baddies off the top, but they are few and far between.

Closing Comments

Crash Bandicoot 2, Jak II… Naughty Dog’s sequels always left a big mark on me. The third game in a series would always be great, maybe even perfected. But their middle games are the ones that innovate, the ones that surprise and leave you at the credits still clutching your controller, mouth agape.

Uncharted 3 is a fantastic game, but then again we’ve seen it all before. It’s just not as fresh and exciting as the one before it. Despite these things, it’s still an amazing campaign, and the multiplayer is truly great fun.

In a similar fashion to last year I came up with twelve goals for myself for the year of 2012 — which may or may not be our last days on Earth.

As I complete certain goals I will try to update this post with a triumphant line straight through the goal in question, and a paragraph or so on my experience. What I learned, unlearned, or how I triumphed with just dumb luck.

And don’t slag me off for being a tired old mothball for structuring my life. This is fun & rewarding dammit!

• Pass the Restricted Driver’s Licence Test.
  This goal carries on from last year (and loosely seven or so years). I gave up after the first try and for that I’m more ashamed than failing in the first place. Time to get behind the wheel, loosen up and just do it.
• Go on a date.
  Whatever the type — Classic, Blind, Online, Speed… But I have to try, even if it is the scariest thing on this damn list.
• Remove all clutter.
  I started this last year but my progress dropped off a bit. Well, completely. To embrace living with less stuff, especially when most of it is just clutter, I want to make digital copies of things I can’t bear to part with, and force myself to chuck or donate the rest.
• Buy a car.
  Once I have the licence things will get a lot easier (and more expensive) with a car. I won’t have to bike in drenched clothes and a heavy backpack just to get to the other side of town. Plus, the freedom. Oh the freedom. Between the hours of 5 and 10 of course.
• Write a novel.
  Encouraged by Stephen King’s book On Writing, I’m actually rather excited to spend my time creating a world over many, many, many pages. My first draft will likely take me a good few months, and I will learn first hand whether or not I have what it takes to write full-length fiction.
• Write a film screenplay.
  Towards the end of 2011 I found myself falling into screenwriting. Like the novel, but of course not like the novel at all, it will push my skills to the very limits. And here’s to it being something other than your standard Hollywood fluff.
• Publish a short stories collection.
  Hopefully with some more stories too by this stage, I will try my hand, and maybe even a foot, at digital publishing.
• Flat with a friend.
  Thanks to last year’s goal I’ve moved out of home and I’m now flatting. But it’s a little lonely and I could do with a good friend or two to play Rock Band & Battleship.
• Finish the Oxfam Trailwalk.
  I’ve wanted to do this for years, and seeing as I’m now out of school and have an athletic bunch of friends to boot; this year, it’s time.
• Go clubbing.
  Me? Dancing? Fuhgeddaboudit! But a certain liquid must be consumed to at least entertain the possibility.
• Meditate daily.
  I’ve toyed with self improvement, zen, minimalism and all sorts. But I just can’t find the time to sit in the quiet, to relax and be one with the world. I want to make this a part of my daily routine, just like my exercise and writing.
• CHANCE.
  This space is reserved because sometimes you just can’t plan your accomplishments. They end up finding you. And uh, I couldn’t think of a twelfth thing…

Killing things with pointy swords and daggers, climbing buildings with sheer arm muscle. This is Assassin’s Creed. And it has been for the last three games.

If you can’t get enough of the guys in the pointed hoods you’ve come to the right place. If you’re growing a little cloak weary, Brotherhood should really be your last stop.

Single Player

I won’t spoil the ending of Brotherhood but needless to say I was disappointed with how this game dealt with the aftermath. It’s all just resolved so abruptly in the beginning of Revelations. Desmond is trapped inside the Animus’ operating system along with Subject 16, who appears to be surprisingly normal, a little eccentric, but still a relatively average person. Which is far from the insane portrait we were presented in the first game. Subject 16 was more interesting when he was just a faceless character leaving clues on walls.

The Matrixy-mystical world of Animuses and Gods is still as mysterious as ever, but you’re rewarded with a neat CGI piece at the story’s conclusion. More questions than answers I’m afraid. But you knew that already.

For the majority of the game you play as old man Ezio, but throughout you will get the chance to play as Altair from the first game in his own timeline. Ezio travels to Constantinople 1511 AD (AKA Istanbul). If you’re a history buff there’s plenty-o historical figures and buildings to peek at.

Most of Ezio’s story involves searching for Altair’s hidden discs. Meanwhile the base missions are chock-full of assassinations, swordplay, and dressing up as minstrels. You mightn’t have guessed it, but Ezio has a very impressive singing voice.

Now back to Desmond. Unlike the neat little town in Brotherhood, the “Black Room” is sadly lacking any climbing obstacles. Desmond has some bizarre first-person puzzles to complete inside the Animus OS, but they can only be unlocked with these “fragments”. There’s 100 scattered throughout the giant playground that is Constantinople, and I found less than 10 of them. Playing these levels is all optional and perhaps too easy to miss due to the hunting of needles in a city-wide haystack. As much as Ezio loves jumping into haystacks, these Animus levels are meant for only the truly dedicated adventurer. 

So an Assassin’s Creed game, you know the drill, seeing it’s an annual franchise at this point. If you haven’t touched the other games this wouldn’t be the place to jump in. Story-wise you’ll be lost completely. As for gamey things you have the assassins recruitment introduced in Brotherhood, shop renovations, Templars, and other optional things on the side.

As for new shiny things we have the hookblade which Desmond can use to climb buildings faster and catch onto ledges. Ziplines cover most of the city and make for a new fun way to get around. Heck there’s even parachuting to be had. 

If you’re daring enough to take on Templars then best prepare for the infamous Den Defence. It is possible to play through the game only doing this once. Basically it’s a tower defence mini-game. Ezio perches on a rooftop and you need to assign units to rooftops to shoot arrows at the soldiers below. You have catapults and other things to make dead certain the soldiers don’t make it to the end of an alley in one piece. The real problem I have with this addition is that it just doesn’t gel with the rest of the game. That, and tower defense was so 2008.

Now for something I was quite impressed with, is the bomb crafting system. You collect different gunpowders and parts, and then put them together in different combinations to achieve different effects. You can make a sticky bomb that releases a large stinky gas cloud, or a highly charged splinter grenade. Whatever your poison. Oh yes you can make poison bombs too.

A moment I remember distinctly was when I tossed a rather powerful grenade into a crowd to take out some guards. It took out much more then just the guards. After the explosion all I heard were screams, and I looked to see a giant radius of townsfolk lying dead on the ground. It was incredibly eerie. In one button push I had turned Ezio from your friendly neighbourhood assassin into a death dealing terrorist.

Besides the usual stealth and flat-out fighting, we also have some action packed cinematic moments; a destruction derby with horses and carriages, escaping a port of burning boats, close calls on fragile structures, and a fist fight in mid-air. It may have felt a little forced, but for some variety in the campaign, I ain’t complaining.

Multiplayer

Introduced in Brotherhood, this game of cat of mouse was like nothing else we had seen before in the realm of online multiplayer. It was about blending in with crowds, pretending to be an AI, and at the last second, springing out from hiding and severing an artery.

Revelations doesn’t tinker too much with the original structure but it does feel a lot more fleshed out, especially with all the new modes. Deathmatch is a fun little diversion, and it still retains the stealth of Wanted but confines it to a much smaller playing field. I found the Assassinate to be as fun as Wanted if not more. Instead of the traditional compass and target, you have a general indicator of your opponents, and then you have to spot someone acting out from the norm (eg. running, climbing, killing). Then you mark them, stalk them, and assassinate them. I hadn’t tried it previously but according to the Internets Assassinate is also available in Brotherhood via the Animus Project Update 3.0 DLC.

The core multiplayer experience is still as addictive as ever, but with an improved lobby, perk selection, new challenges and integrated leaderboards, it just makes the package that much sweeter.

Closing Comments

Assassin’s Creed: Revelations is great, don’t get me wrong. But there’s only so much one can enjoy doing the same old thing, no matter how many new coats of paint you slap on top. That’s why trilogies work so well. In my opinion Brotherhood is the pinnacle of the series, and quite frankly, it should’ve ended there. Or at the very least, some more years in development time to come up with some new ideas.

On the multiplayer side, it still feels fresh, and it plays very well indeed. If you were a fan of Brotherhood’s take on stabby-stabby multiplayer, there is much to enjoy here.

This is the last time we’ll be stepping into the shoes of Ezio and Altair. But according to Ubisoft it won’t be the last Assassin’s Creed. Another game is coming out next year. Is that a good thing? I’ll leave that up to you to decide.

Like is like a parabolic curve. Well if I was into maths that’s what I would say. I’ll go with good old physics on this one — what goes up must come down. I’m talking about mood swings. One day you’re high like a kite swooping about town, the next day everything is miserable, and all you want to do is curl up into a ball and die.

I think this happens because we rely too heavily on external forces. If one thing doesn’t go our way it can send us in a tail spin, hurtling us into deeper despair. The obvious solution is to seek joy and peace within yourself. But that’s easier said than done.

I haven’t mastered this yet so if you’re looking for a walkthrough this ain’t the right place. But I do have some tips.

Firstly you need to realise you are in charge of your own peace of mind. Not anyone else. If some retail salesperson is being a dick, just let it go. Get out of there and do something worthy of your time. If your friend doesn’t come into work, you don’t have to spend the whole day moping. Try to enjoy other people’s company. If you’re alone and miserable, go and find someone to spend time with. I find the smallest things send me off into a typhoon of emotions. When there’s just no need. We already have enough to be happy right here and now.

Secondly, well that’s about it. Just know that you’re in charge of how you feel. This may seem like primary school stuff here, but often (if you’re like me) it’s just too easy to forget.

If you find yourself in one of those down days do something that picks you up. Sing or dramatically lip sync to your favourite song. Ring up a friend or family member to see how they’re doing. Go for a walk. Alphabetise your DVD collection — I don’t know how you get your kicks.

In my final words of wisdom I have to impart; Don’t take life too seriously. Don’t rub your face in a cat’s furry hide if you’re allergic. And remember to love others and stuff.

So I finally realised you can’t find your passion overnight.

Back at Intermediate I wanted to be a videogame designer. At college; a videogame programmer with hopes of becoming a videogame designer. At university; a videogame programmer turned videogame critic. Post university; a journalist with hopes of becoming a videogame critic.

In all those years never did I really ask myself if I could sustain any of those careers for my entire life, or even if I would enjoy them. I mean how do you go about that? I thought once I had learned the skills of the job, I could do it. But then university came and I was unprepared. The first year was difficult for me and in the end I realised I didn’t even enjoy programming. Afterwards I was able to complete a Media Studies degree. But at what cost? It was a qualification with no real destination. I guess even today after twenty four years I still don’t really know what I’m doing.

Is life just a game of trial and error? A never-ending series of wrong turns on the road to nowhere?

Last Friday I walked into a small room in the bowels of Massey University Wellington to discuss my prospects of becoming a journalist. I had taken that same interview a year earlier. Needless to say this time wasn’t any easier. The same questions were asked, but as I had put off practice entirely I made the same mistakes. I was awkward. Unconvincing. And most of all not even sure of myself.

Was I taking this route as a roundabout way of becoming a game critic? The same games I seem to be getting burned out on. The same structures, mechanics, and horrible stories again and again? I sold off 46 games from my collection the day of the interview. For such an investment in my time, my money, my identity, I thought it would be hard to let go. But it wasn’t. I didn’t feel anything.

That morning I spent a good thirty minutes sitting on a park bench waiting for the train that would take me to town. I sat there thinking about my future and seriously considered not turning up to the interview at all. A friend convinced me to do it anyway. Even though the outlook is low I’m glad I gave it one last shot. If anything to really cement in my head that being a journalist wasn’t really what I wanted to do.

Grant Hannis, the programme director for the Graduate Diploma in Journalism asked me his last question, “If you don’t get selected what will you do?”. My reply involved a bumbling “I guess I’ll just carry on with my writing.”

A few weeks before that a friend asked me what my greatest passion was. I replied I’d like to write something that someone would buy. Still as iffy as ever, but I think I’m starting to get somewhere.

I recently joined the Kiwi Writers Forum and I hear there’s even a local writer’s club in my area. I’ve seen other writers release ebooks with interesting pricing models and of course there’s the ever increasing popularity of tablets, iPads and Kindles. There’s plenty of opportunity out there.

For the meantime I’ll keep working as a temp to survive, and I’ll try to write around it — just like I’m doing now.

As for the content of the writing I do have a thing for short stories at the moment, and that seems like the perfect place to start. Even with that focus things are still pretty open for me. With any luck one day I’d love to write my own comic book or television series. A full-on novel isn’t one of my all time goals, but one day I might just be in the right state of mind.

I want to write something that excites you. Terrifies you. Angers you. Something that makes you laugh, or even shed a tear.

My two favourite writers, Joss Whedon and Brian K. Vaughn, write simply the best characters and dialogue for their respective mediums, and I want to create something of their quality. I know I’m setting the bar extremely high here, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Jesus, I think I’ve got cramp.” A sharp female voice came from the figure.

A pile of linen lay undisturbed a few metres away. Suddenly the pile burst up skyward. A second figure jumped out of the pile while the sheets rose in the gush of air, eventually landing and covering the floor in all directions.

The new figure’s face was even more horrifying than the one before it. Its voice was gruff.

“The store closed an hour ago Maureen. What were you waiting for?”

Maureen carefully stepped out of the pile of towels. “The cleaners, John.” she said mockingly. “But maybe they come in the morning.”

“So we’re good to go then? You hit the jewellery, while I take on the electronics,” John pulled at the ends of his black gloves.

“Oh really, I get jewellery ‘cos I’m the girl?” Maureen began to prance around daintily.

“Shut up, you know you love your goddamn earrings,” John barked. He was growing agitated.

Maureen walked off in the direction of the jewellery section muttering to herself. “Loud-mouthed.. mother..fu..”

John marched over the strewn sheets and towels leaving light boot prints in their wake.

Maureen made it to the other side of the store and double checked the big red sign that hung from the expansive ceiling; JEWELLERY.

“Yip, that’s the one.”

A row of glass cabinets lay before her. Maureen saw a pair of sparkling diamond earrings blinking at her from under the glass. Still staring at the earrings as if they might scatter with any sudden movement, Maureen carefully pulled a crowbar from under her shirt, tucked into her jeans. Gloved fingers sealed their grip around the hilt of the crowbar. Maureen slowly raised it above her head, shielding her masked face with her left arm as she brought the crowbar crashing down into the cabinet. Most of the glass simply fell down into the cabinet, showering the jewellery in reflective shards of various sizes.

"You’re mine now my pretties,” Maureen cooed. Switching the crowbar into her other hand, Maureen reached into the cabinet and clasped onto the open earring box. She brought it up to her face, right up close, and simply smiled underneath the scowl of the mask, admiring the way they sparkled.

Maureen sharply recoiled as she heard a metal clang not too far from her position.

“John, is that you?” Maureen said knowingly. “You come to apologise?” She looked around her for the origin of the noise.

“Why don’t you come out and stop trying to scare me?”

The noise happened again, and then several more in quick succession.

Maureen feels a cold hand at her shoulder. She shakes it off and jumps back.

“John? You bastard.” Maureen gasped in shock, breathing shallowly.

“What, did I scare you?” John smirked.

“How were you making that noise?”

“What noise?”

“You know what I mean. The clanging of metal.”

The noise sounded off again in the distance.

“Yes, that one.” Maureen said relieved, until the pair realised that the noise wasn’t anywhere near them.

“You did hear that right?” Maureen tried to wipe away the sweat from her brow.

“Don’t take off the mask, the cameras will identify you.” John barked.

“I wasn’t going to. What is making that noise?”

“It’s probably just a rat or something.”

“A rat? Making that sound? What, are its feet made out of nails?” Maureen teased.

“Pipes then.”

“You heard it, it’s definitely coming from somewhere in the store, ground level.”

John pulled out a handgun tucked into the back of his jeans.

“You’re not going to shoot it are you?” Maureen was taken aback.

“Relax, if there is someone in here with us we need to make sure it won’t go ringing any po-lice.”

“It’s called coercion”.

John walked off in search of the noise. “Stay behind me,” John half barked, half whispered.

“Don’t need to tell me twice, I’m not going in front of you when you’re packing.”

John and Maureen walked carefully through the store, passing by the racks of men’s shirts and trousers.

The noise sounded again. It was closer this time.

John held the gun with two hands, pointing it down every aisle they came across.

A rustling sounded from the next aisle. John shrunk up to the corner and froze. He stuck his head around the corner and peered down the darkened aisle. A mess of random bits and pieces lay on the floor down the far end. The clanging happened again and John could see that the noise was coming from a dark space in the shelf right next to the pile of junk.

“You come out now or I shoot,” John shouted down the narrow space, trying to keep his composure.

The clanging stopped. But nothing emerged.

Maureen had poked her head around the corner now too. John made his way around the corner and down the aisle. His gun pointed at the darkened space.

“I’m warning you,” John spat.

Something came flying from out of the shelf hitting John in the leg. Instinctively he fired the gun several times into the opening.

“John! What the fuck!?” Maureen screamed, sprinting down the aisle.

John looked down at his feet to see an opened jar of salsa that had splashed down his leg.

He reached into the shelf and pulled out a limp body. The body of a boy, no older than ten.

Maureen gasped and John stumbled backwards when he noticed the victim of his gunshots. A bullet had entered the boy’s chest, and blood was now soaking up his shirt. The boy’s fingers and lower face were covered in corn chip residue and salsa. His eyes slowly closed.

“Jesus. What have you done?” Maureen dropped her crowbar to the floor.

“I… I…” John ripped off his mask and looked up to the camera at the end of the aisle.

Inside a security room on one of the small televisions was the pale face of a man floating among the wreckage of the food aisle. Its deep brown eyes sparkled full of tears. This new face was even more horrifying than the one before it.

Life can get mundane if you let it. If you live each day the same as the last day before it and the day before that, it’s just no good for the psyche. I’m not suggesting radical shifts in your routine, but little additions that make you smile as you reflect upon the day’s events.

I’ve started collating a list of things I’ve never done but did. It should really remain in my head, but seeing as I am so into lists…

3/11/11 – I ate McDonald’s at work. I’ve pretty much had sandwiches ever since I first started.

4/11/11 – I punched a real estate guy in the face (rather the signboard’s that annoy me with their cheesy grins and their big suits).

5/11/11 – I bought fish and chips for the first time… ever, if I recall correctly. Parents have always bought it in the past. I’ve been flatting since August and I hadn’t once been to the local eatery.

5/11/11 – I visited the Mt. Victoria lookout for the first time. Been living in the Wellington region all my life, and never taken the time to do that. This wasn’t entirely my own plan, but I was still present!

6/11/11 – I got home and crawled in to bed at 4-something-AM. Well, really this is starting to become more habit than something new!

7/11/11 – I went for a wee ride before work.

7/11/11 – I played cards at work — during my lunch break of course. Who do you think I am?!

So really it can be anything. Just something, hopefully a little positive that you can be proud of stepping outside your comfort zone and doing.

I wrote a little short story in September about this very phenomena.

When you get that urge to do something i.e. take a different route to work, not kill someone, go ahead and do it. Don’t say you’ll do it later. Don’t make excuses. Just give it a whirl and learn from your experiences.

It looks like Ratchet & Clank. It sounds like Ratchet & Clank. But is this game really Ratchet & Clank?

To make my conclusion prematurely I would have to go with; it’s not Ratchet & Clank. This title was developed by Insomniac Games but it plays like a movie tie-in. If you thought All 4 One would be Ratchet with 4 player co-op you’d best prepare for disappointment.

If you’re in it for the pictures you can breathe a sigh of relief. The Ratchet & Clank games are always nicely animated, and there’s no exception here. Its pretty darn close to a Pixar movie even without the cutscenes. After a rather extended cutscene and a set of unusual circumstances, we find that Ratchet, Clank, Captain Qwark, & Dr. Nefarious are captured and are now working together.

Starting back with the PS2 the previous six or so games were very intense platformers. All 4 One feels like a Ratchet game dumbed-down for kids. It’s like hopping onto a roller coaster then realising you got onto a merry-go-round. Now I’m all for its existence, but Ratchet fans are going to be extremely annoyed if they bought this day one expecting it to be… well, a Ratchet game.

Multiplayer isn’t exactly new to the franchise. In Deadlocked/Gladiator you had 2-player co-op. In the third game you had online multiplayer matches. I remember playing some rather neat 4-player splitscreen matches in… some Ratchet game — they all seem to blend together at this point. From the start this game in particular was built around four-player co-op. Though the word co-op is a misnomer here.

While you do have to work with each other, it often feels like the whole thing is some big competition. You have players racing to get all the bolts. And at some stage while you play a screen interrupts you saying how much better the other player players are. How they collected more bolts, more critters, they performed more co-op actions. I played online with one guy who more than doubled my score each time. And since bolts are the currency of the game you’re going to be stuck with the short end of the stick when it comes to shopping for upgrades and new weapons.

At least when you’re falling you have a slim chance of grappling onto another player and swinging to their location. But even with Griefing turned off in the lobby it doesn’t stop it from happening. To get to platforms further than you can jump you need to suck in another player with your little suck machine and spit them out over a large distance. Of course you can also aim for the abyss below. Which I did. Accidently. A few times…

You have four players running about a single screen from an overhead camera point of view, confined to each other’s company. Even the later Lego games had the guts to let players deviate. Here, not so much. The levels are simple and linear. Shooting is auto-lock on and requires no aiming whatsoever. The puzzles you encounter are just as simple. There’s a few puzzles where you have to pull down some tubes for a critter to get through. The switches were all in a line, and already ordered. I would hardly call that a puzzle.

As with all Ratchet games there is a big focus on your arsenal. There are the standard gun and grenade throwing weapons, together with the all-crazy Mr. Zurkon,  flame thrower, electro-whip and what have you. Each level has vendors along the way which let you purchase guns and upgrades with what little bolts you managed to scab along the way. But none of the combat felt rewarding no matter what weapon I had equipped.

If you don’t have any offline pals, you’re going to have to jump online. While it is possible to play alone with an AI pal, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemies. It would be more fun ejecting and inserting the disc, over and over again.

As for playing online you can wait endlessly in a lobby with the current level you’re up to, or you can jump into a game in session. The problem is this could be any of the game’s levels, no matter what you’ve played so far. But the story is so weak that I guess it doesn’t really matter. So feel free to jump into anyone’s game in session.

Closing Comments

If you have little ones they will probably enjoy All 4 One. It’s cute, colourful, and not too hard. The cutscenes are well produced and voice acted (but hard for me to watch personally). Ratchet fans (if you are still out there) I recommend skipping this one entirely. A Crack in Time might be the last great Ratchet game. Time to move on Insomniac.

While The Wire was a damn fun show to watch simply from a good story point of view, it also examines various themes and ideas season to season.

The last season, Season 5, explored the role of Journalism in Baltimore society. Keeping in mind Season 5 aired a good three years ago, most things David Simon, creator of The Wire, put on screen still hold true today. And he should know, he was a reporter for thirteen years.

Simon once wrote as a police reporter for The Baltimore Sun, a newspaper which he used in the television show no holds barred. We even got to see the downright filthy practices of the journalism business.

To introduce us to the world of The Baltimore Sun in season 5, a new set of characters is introduced to us for the first time:

Gus Haynes (Clark Johnson) — a editor at the city desk who stays true to the moral code of journalism.
Alma Gutierrez (Michelle Paress) – a young journalist looking to get a legitimate taste of the spotlight.
Scott Templeton (Tom McCarthy) – a journalist who is suspected of fudging the truth.

The Death Of The Newspaper

It’s 2008. The world wide web has changed media as we know it. Newspaper sales are at an all time low. Layoffs are imminent.

White men are at the top of the ladder, seeing The Baltimore Sun as a stop-gap, a platform from which to jump ship to a more revered paper such as The Washington Post or The New York Post.

Which leads to…

Front Page Story Sensationalism

Newspapers need to make money more than ever. And one way for papers to achieve this is to dramatise stories, making them appeal more to readers. Gus is furious when he learns of a burned doll being placed among the debris of a fire, by one of the Baltimore Sun’s photographers.

Alma covers a homicide case of a family murdered in their own home. She wakes up early the next day and visits the printing factory to get an early copy of the paper expecting a front page story only to find “several inches” on page three.

Long-running character Omar, the fear of drug dealers everywhere, is killed in a store shooting, and the story is left entirely off the newspaper’s pages.

“If it bleeds it leads” only applies here if it’s people of a certain class or colour getting knocked off. Or unless there’s something special about the crimes.

McNolty finds this out for himself when his staged homeless killings get pushed to the wayside. He gives the imaginary serial killer a sexual fetish — leaving bite marks on the victims thanks to Lester Freamon’s pair of dentures. And that is the one thing that elevates the story from invisible through to a grand slam of coverage.

Unfortunately for The Baltimore Sun, they don’t know the case is completely fake. One journalist sees the homeless killings as his chance to get noticed regardless of…

Journalistic Ethics

Gus starts to get suspicious of Scott as the season progresses. Gus, the angel of ethics, wants to follow The Baltimore Sun’s policy, which is to get a full name of every source. Scott submits a story about a wheelchair-bound boy trying to get into a baseball game. As viewers we’re not shown these “sources”, but like Gus we have a feeling Scott is playing us like a fiddle.

The homeless killings case is where it all starts to go downhill for Scott. He makes a call from a payphone to his cell phone and invents a story that the serial killer called him. McNolty uses him to his advantage pretending to be the serial killer.

McNolty finally confesses to Scott, knowing that he won’t speak out. The two had strikingly similar character plots, each one telling greater and greater lies. As McNolty pointed out, he knew what he was doing it for — more funds and resources for the police department. What was Scott’s reason?

We then see the season close with Gus and Alma being demoted for questioning Scott’s ethics, while Scott is awarded his Pulitzer.

It sums up the entire season really. Baltimore is corrupt and people can get away with anything.

If you want to know more about The Wire’s take on media, watch The Last Word — a feature found on the DVDs. David Simon and the cast members tell it better than I ever could.