“It’s numbers mate. Only numbers.”
– Alex

After last week’s very depressing end we’re introduced to a brand new character; Alex Henley.

Warning: Spoilers follow.

We wake up with Alex in his nautical themed room. He gets ready and makes breakfast for his memory challenged gran. She’s not afraid of saying anything offensive either but Alex takes it in his stride. The first hint of trouble arises when Alex’s dad calls in to prepare gran for a home. Something neither of which Alex or gran are keen for.

At the bus stop Alex fiddles with a die and reads a note with corresponding actions for each number. We can’t read the whole thing but there’s choices to streak, punch, kiss, wank, and run. But before he can roll the die the bus arrives.

It’s Alex’s first day at Roundview and after meeting Doug, now headmaster, and at his dad’s meddling he’s thrust into ICT along with the rest of the skins we’ve grown so attached to.

In the cafeteria Alex is sitting alone, tapping the die against the table. We see Grace’s portrait among some flowers. Alex then looks over at Liv and sees her pouring some hard alcohol into her coffee cup. Liv spots Alex staring at her and the two share smiles. Alex pulls out his card and we see for the first time all six actions:

1. Streak in a public place

2. Punch the next person to walk in

3. Kiss the person next to you

4. Do everything backwards

5. Have a wank. NOW!

6. Run away

I used to use an eraser myself as a mock magic eight ball, each side corresponding to a yes, no, or maybe. So not quite the same as Alex’s number system. Because here he means business. He rolls a 2. We see Nick and Alo walk in the door. But Alo is lucky first. Alex walks right up to him and punches him in the face. He quickly apologises and helps him to his feet. Alo is bewildered and Alex quickly walks out with everyone’s eyes on him, including Liv who smiles in astonishment.

Liv is having a falling out with Mini. The two are taking Grace’s death quite hard. Liv walks up to Alex and asks what his problem is. He looks at his die. “If you live by this, everything’s random”

He rolls a three and gives Liv a good smooch, until she slaps him in the face. Any normal girl would walk away at this point but she’s intrigued by Alex and the two walk together to Alex’s place. He introduces her to his gran. We learn more about gran’s husband who as it turns out was a sailor. Alex reads his grandfather’s travel diary as gran lies in bed.

Alex meets the gang in a bar, all sitting quietly and keeping to themselves.

Mini sums up my thoughts exactly. “We don’t need any new friends.”

But by this point I know I’ve started to like the character. I don’t see him as a replacement for Grace. He tries to learn more about her but everyone finds it offensive for him to be talking about her.

Liv goes off with Alex to a dingy warehouse with poker tables hidden out back. Alex wins the round against his final opponent, with a full house in fact. Alex is accused of cheating and the two settle it with another of Alex’s chance devices; the coin toss. Except as we soon find out, the coin is heads on both sides of the coin. The two manage to escape with the handfuls of cash. Liv looks like she madly wants to kiss Alex, but he’s blissfully unaware. He sends her off in a taxi and kisses her on the cheek, which again confuses Liv.

Alex pulls out his smart phone and loads an app called CruisR. The screen is littered with display pictures of guys. He selects the profile of a dude only 15 metres away. Next we see Alex in the throws of passion with… another guy. Suddenly it makes sense, that’s the reason he’s been coy about Liv’s advances. And I made that prediction about Liv potentially hooking up with Rich (too soon?), so that’s still up in the air now. Alex leaves the guy (a lot older than his pic showed to be) with a few criticisms, and tears up the cash on offer.

Liv and Alex break into a home, another one of the dice dares. They find a mess of a house and they tidy the place to freak out the owner. Liv advances on Alex but before Alex has time to explain the owner walks in the door, and the duo make their escape.

The two head to Alex’s home where they find his dad packing up gran’s things. Alex and his dad argue and Alex is left to pack up the rest. He doesn’t.

Everyone is hanging at the bar. Alex is growing closer to the group as Nick makes fun of his lists. A pretentious twat comes in and starts talking up a memorial service for Grace. There couldn’t be a worse faker out there and the gang is beyond peeved.

Mini has a fight with Liv and Liv takes off. Alex chases Liv to the bathroom and finally reveals to Liv that he’s gay. Liv takes this quite harshly, even Mini takes her side, and Alex runs away in shame.

Alex comes home to find his gran has overdosed on pills. Rather than be taken to a home, she decided to go her own way.

The service starts, and the gang heads along. While the twat and his accomplice begin a cringe worthy musical item, Liv gets so upset she trashes the keyboard and exposes herself to the crowd. The second part I don’t get myself. But it seemed to make sense to her at the time.

Alex tries to reconcile with Liv over the phone while waiting nearby.

Alex invites the group out for a cruise, where we discover he wants to send his gran out to sea for her burial. There the gang help him push the coffin into the sea. Alex says she can be their stand-in for Grace, as they weren’t allowed to attend the funeral (déjà vu anyone?). Alex recites his granddad’s diary one last time, and there are tears all around. I found myself rather swept up in the moment too. Mini and Liv are back on good terms. We hear in on a phone call from Franky to Matty. She tells him to never come back. Huh, and I thought she was nice again?

Alex rolls the die one more time: Run away. They jump into the sea. The last shot is of them diving for the die.

A little surprisingly Rich is nowhere to be seen in this episode. There is a moment where he is mentioned when Nick and Alo walk into the cafeteria. Blink and you’ll miss it. I guess it makes sense. His pain must be unbearable, and we witnessed most of it in the last episode. However I do hope we get to see him soon and how he’s coping.

I thought it would be a little strange to introduce a brand new character to a cast we’re already well acquainted with, but it turned out just fine. Great in fact. Alex is a fascinating new character, and as long as they don’t over-do the dice stuff, he should fit right in with the gang and hopefully ease their suffering as they grieve for Grace.

A month has passed since I set my goals for the year, and thanks to some nudging I’m going to share what progress I’ve made.

• Pass the Restricted Driver’s Licence Test.
  This goal carries on from last year (and loosely seven or so years). I gave up after the first try and for that I’m more ashamed than failing in the first place. Time to get behind the wheel, loosen up and just do it.

I’ve been practising throughout January. Even booked a bunch load of lessons with an AA instructor. Screw the money I’m gonna get this right! I’ve also had some drives with friends and family. I think I‘ve improved a lot, and to my surprise now I even feel comfortable in the driver’s seat. My test is next Friday, and hopefully I’ll have something positive to share that day.

• Go on a date.
  Whatever the type — Classic, Blind, Online, Speed… But I have to try, even if it is the scariest thing on this damn list.

I tried not to think about this one. And I’ll probably make excuse after excuse in order to avoid it. I’ll get there… one day.

• Remove all clutter.
  I started this last year but my progress dropped off a bit. Well, completely. To embrace living with less stuff, especially when most of it is just clutter, I want to make digital copies of things I can’t bear to part with, and force myself to chuck or donate the rest.

I haven’t really made much progress on this one. In fact I might have even more stuff than before! But I’m buying a camera to catalogue the old clutter so I can finally bin it. I’ve been better about keeping stuff in its home, and bought some nice new containers to do just that. Just don’t look in my closet or under the bed.
“A place for everything and everything in its place.”

• Buy a car.
  Once I have the licence things will get a lot easier (and more expensive) with a car. I won’t have to bike in drenched clothes and a heavy backpack just to get to the other side of town. Plus, the freedom. Oh the freedom. Between the hours of 5 and 10 of course.

I have some prospects regarding the acquisition of a vehicle. Stay tuned.

• Write a novel.
  Encouraged by Stephen King’s book On Writing, I’m actually rather excited to spend my time creating a world over many, many, many pages. My first draft will likely take me a good few months, and I will learn first hand whether or not I have what it takes to write full-length fiction.

So, I started a novel. I woke up at 5.30AM, turned on my laptop, and… not much came out. I wrote a few chapters over the next few days, but I wasn’t pleased with it. I may end up salvaging the ideas into a short story. A novel is a big project not to be taken lightly and it’ll have to be something I come back to.

• Write a film screenplay.
  Towards the end of 2011 I found myself falling into screenwriting. Like the novel, but of course not like the novel at all, it will push my skills to the very limits. And here’s to it being something other than your standard Hollywood fluff.

I never did get around to finishing my Buffy fan fiction, let alone starting a new screenplay. Like the novel it’s a big endeavour, and I feel that I just don’t have enough free time sans getting up at dawn and drooling on my keyboard.

• Publish a short stories collection.
  Hopefully with some more stories too by this stage, I will try my hand, and maybe even a foot, at digital publishing.

I wrote one short story and plan to write many more before the year is out. If you spot any errors, inconsistencies, or just plain bad grammar in any of my short stories, please let me know. That way I can write up some definitive versions for the collection!

• Flat with a friend.
  Thanks to last year’s goal I’ve moved out of home and I’m now flatting. But it’s a little lonely and I could do with a good friend or two to play Rock Band & Battleship.

I’m alone during the week now so I seemed to have made, negative progress? If that is a thing. In lieu of a new flatting situation I can always host more get-togethers.

• Finish the Oxfam Trailwalk.
  I’ve wanted to do this for years, and seeing as I’m now out of school and have an athletic bunch of friends to boot; this year, it’s time.

It’s on! We’re registered, been on a few walks, and gearing up for the training weekend. I’ve started walking everywhere instead of biking. Fundraising isn’t going so well yet, but I still have hope. Sponsor us please!

• Go clubbing.
  Me? Dancing? Fuhgeddaboudit! But a certain liquid must be consumed to at least entertain the possibility.

Done and dusted. The first goal off my list. I went along to a dance fundraiser with Graeme and some workmates. I ate nibbles, wore a glow stick, and heck, even danced. It may haven taken a few vodka mother’s, but I swayed. I nodded. My limbs actually made movement.

• Meditate daily.
  I’ve toyed with self improvement, zen, minimalism and all sorts. But I just can’t find the time to sit in the quiet, to relax and be one with the world. I want to make this a part of my daily routine, just like my exercise and writing.

Ethan’s been helping me with this one. I certainly feel better when I do it. I prefer the lying down approach. It’s gonna take some time to make it a habit, but like my daily exercises I’m sure I can make it work.

• CHANCE.
  This space is reserved because sometimes you just can’t plan your accomplishments. They end up finding you. And uh, I couldn’t think of a twelfth thing…

Not much to report here but I am going to see Switchfoot next month in Auckland. It’s not personal growth or anything, but hey, music and travel!

Now that the “everyone” episode is dealt with we can finally get knee-deep into these characters. Any sexual metaphor there is completely coincidental. Ahem. This one focuses on Rich and if he’s not in every frame, he’s at least in the very next room.

Warning: Spoilers follow.

So last time we were left with Rich, he was barred from visiting Grace in hospital after “the” accident.

We open with the band; Alo on electric guitar and vocals, Rich on bass, and some girl we’ve never seen on the drums. It had a whole Scott Pilgrim vibe going on. Rich is barely into it, he is consumed by Grace.

He sits outside the hospital during visiting time as he’s not allowed in. His phone rings. It’s Grace. Rich almost lights two cigarettes in his excitement. But Grace is a little peeved he’s not trying hard enough to see her.

Rich enters the hospital, ripping down a poster with his mug shot denying his entry to the ward. This made me giggle, and tingly on the inside knowing he was trying his hardest to see Grace.

On his hands and knees he sneaks past the desk with at least a dozen more posters, only to be caught in the act by the nurse from last week. Not to mention Professor Blood who is not at all happy to see him. He tells Rich he’s taking Grace to Switzerland for better medical care.

With his tail between his legs Rich leaves, but in the corridor he scrambles up a ladder into the air ducts. This may seem extreme, almost spy-movie-like, but you saw Blood right? He’s bloody frightening (please forgive the pun). It was really his only remaining choice. Rich crashes through the ceiling into Grace’s room and the two begin to kindle their love. That is until Rich is caught and thrown out with his pants down.

Here we are at Rich’s home. One thing Skins isn’t too good at is characterising the parents. While the teens may be dramatized at times, the parents are on a whole other level of cartoon. Rich’s mum is over-protective and over-emotional, while the dad is spineless and unwilling to get involved. There’s a whole debacle about Rich’s mum wanting the three of them to go on holiday. Rich firmly refuses, and she is next seen in the back of an airport van, waving a tearful goodbye.

Rich bikes off to Grace’s house hoping to talk to Mr. Blood. But they’ve already left. Rich gets angry at his phone and hurls it into the garden. He throws things a lot in this episode. He climbs in through the open window. He hears an alarm clock radio playing “Walking on Sunshine”. In his anger he smashes it through the window, which had me in hysterics.  He finds a projector and plays a grainy coloured film reel of current-age Grace performing ballet. Hey, isn’t this 2012? What are they doing still using 8mm film?? There are a few clips of toddler-Grace, maybe the Blood family just have a thing for retro.

Alo finds Rich and the two take over the house, wearing the parents clothes, eating their food, and plain old trashing the place. I would’ve thought it a bad idea to make your girlfriend’s dad hate you even more than he already did, but Rich obviously wasn’t in the same mindset. They call the hospital in Switzerland, but Rich just gets an angry Blood on the other line. Rich tells Alo to leave him be, but instead of leaving Alo or “farm boy” invites Mini over for… well, a shag. Rich catches them in the act. He didn’t exactly have to be Sherlock Homes either, due to the sheer pitch of their love-making.

Rich receives a call from Grace that doesn’t last for long. He begs her to run away, to meet him in France. But she’s gone before he can get a response. Later he finds Alo has set up the band equipment downstairs. Rich is beyond reason, and after trashing Alo’s equipment the two give each other a lovely new complexion; red.

Rich leaves for lunch with Liv who is upset at not being told about Grace. After Rich shouts for emergency biscuits, outside they share a connection I had never thought about before. Possible romance down the line hmm? Franky turns up, less bitchy than in Morocco and even shows off her French.

The group arrive back at the house to find Alo packing his gear away, but also letting on that he had invited most of Facebook to a house party; David Blood’s house. Liv suggests they charge everyone on entry so they could fly off and get Grace back. There’s also a nice juicy exchange about Mini’s reason for being at the house. While it looked pretty obvious to us what was going on, everyone else hadn’t a clue. I guess the relationship between Alo and Mini really does defy expectations.

The house party commences. The band takes centre stage in Blood’s living room, and they’re good. The crowd is loving it. Then Rich spots Grace in the crowd. He leaves mid-song and chases after her. But she’s disappeared. Alo tells him he’s seeing things. The two embrace. Rich keeps looking for Grace and eventually finds her in her bedroom under the covers. She invites him in.

The next morning Rich wakes up in an empty bed. Everyone is gone, and the place is wrecked beyond imagination. He gets a call from Grace on his busted phone. She says that she has to leave. Rich is dumbfounded. He sees Professor Blood’s car and heads inside to see him sitting at the bottom of the staircase. He knows Rich is responsible for the state of his house but he’s not angry. He’s crying.

Now for the big twist. Blood tells Rich that Grace died yesterday in Switzerland. She had never woken up from the coma, her mind was gone, and he made the decision to pull her life support. Rich has been imagining the whole thing. Or was it something more? Grace communicating beyond the grave? We’ll never know. But it’s delightfully haunting and romantic.

I don’t know if you figured it out before the reveal, but there were a few hints that something was off. Firstly, how far away is Switzerland?! It seems taking flights in and out is as easy as hopping on through to the next town. Grace couldn’t have got back that quickly. I also noticed that when Grace was in bed her bruises were gone. Now those weren’t the sort of bruises to disappear overnight. But did I think something was off? Nope. I thought how nice it was for Grace to come back and see Rich. Just like Rich I had gone delusional, believing what I wanted to see. Blinded by my love for the character. Oh and that broken phone? It looked pretty trashed, perhaps it was only good for ghost calls?

Rich sits down next to Mr. Blood. Eventually, hesitantly, Rich puts his arm around him, and we cut to black. If there’s one thing Skins is good at it’s dealing with death.

And that my friends is Skins well and truly back. We have a new character next time so that should be fun. I will try my hardest not to think of him as Grace’s replacement, but it will be a little difficult. As much as we want to hate the writers for killing off our fictional buddies and tormenting the characters like Rich who still remain, it’s really for the best.

Rich and Grace’s relationship was really at its peak in Morocco on top the villa bathing in the sun. Where could you take them from there? Really? A spanner had to be thrown into the works. And would we have reached that emotional high without our characters first experiencing the same?

Last year I did a review of the first episode of Skins Season 5. Trouble is I didn’t get any further than that. It’s been the most popular search term on my blog so with the new season upon us I thought I’d take another crack at it. Just for you Skins fans!

As always be wary of spoilers, make sure you watch the first episode (and season 5 at that too) before reading this review.

So what has happened to our lovely bunch of characters over the course of last season? Well Rich got his hair cut. Oh and I guess he got married to Grace. Franky has come out of her tom boy phase and is now openly feminine and heterosexual, and has a thing going on with Matty. Nick is no longer with Mini or Liv. And of course we have our roaming bachelor; Alo.

This is a ‘Everyone’ episode, meaning the focus is on the group, as per usual for the first and last episodes of a season. We open in Morocco. To start with I felt a bit nervous, reminding me of the time the first generation of Skins took a trip to Russia. Fortunately this episode wasn’t as camp and unbelievable.

Everyone is having a grand old time on their dirt bikes. There’s a few complaints but it’s all in good fun. Maybe too much fun. Before you turn off your viewing device in disgust at their happiness, just you hang in there, real drama is about to unfurl!

The gang turn up at Alo’s promised land to find an abandoned villa with an empty swimming pool. Rich is relegated to a mattress on the roof due to a shortage of bedrooms.

Franky and Matty eventually arrive, but Franky’s not in a good mood. I remember feeling sorry for Franky last season, but here she’s being a downright bitch. Matty doesn’t know what’s going on. Poor, poor Matty.

That night Alo follows the sound of music to find a raving party at a nearby villa. Luke, another Britonian, stares at Franky dancing alone amongst the crowd. Franky tells Matty how she’s bored of him. Then she comes upon Luke on the balcony and the two share an intimate dance.

The next morning a little unexpectedly (but not if you saw a few hints in the Alo episode last season) Mini tells Alo to put away his porn and try the real thing. The happy go lucky Alo, doesn’t turn down her request, and the two sleep together.

The gang rejoice as Mini has discovered the secret to fill up the swimming pool. Their fun is disrupted when Luke and his pal show up. Again Luke stares at Franky. He says that he’s been using this villa to stash his weed but they work out an arrangement. He invites the gang to his beach party (Two parties in a row? A bit party animal this Luke is huh?).

While the gang are at the beach party a few of Luke’s crew is back at their villa recovering his weed. They’re just taking back their weed right? Nothing to be concerned about right?

Luke doesn’t give up his obsession with Franky. He takes her aside and eloquently persuades her to run away with him. Luke’s mate tells Matty that in order to get Franky back he needs to drive the weed to Marrakech — be their drug mule.

Matty sits in the drug-loaded car and watches Franky take off in Luke’s car. After learning that Luke is no good Liv hops in the car with Grace and Matty, and convinces Matty to drive. An epic car chase begins… until a truck (it’s always a truck), makes Matty swerve, and off the road they go. As the car hurtles over the side of the road, I feel sick in the pit of my stomach. A tear rolls down my cheek. I can feel that someone is going to die. And so can Rich.

It turns out Grace is the unlucky victim. As we might’ve guessed from Rich’s gut feeling back at the beach party. We’re left only guessing until we find Grace is not dead, but in hospital with a coma (season finale of Skins anyone?) and the rest of the gang is in their first day of school at Roundview College — all rather miserable. Even Doug, deputy headmaster, doesn’t lighten the mood. Grace’s dad, Headmaster David Blood, is of course taking a leave of absence. Matty is nowhere to be found since the accident. And for good reason too, despite injuring one of his friends he is under suspicion for the drugs found in the destroyed vehicle.

How Grace got to the hospital in Bristol is anyone’s guess. It seems a bit strange to cart her overseas on a plane with the rest of the group.  I would’ve thought that she’d be better off in a hospital in Morocco. But maybe that’s just me.

Nick is a bit upset that Matty hasn’t tried to call him. He soon receives a call from Matty but doesn’t pick up. I’m not quite sure of the logic behind that one, but we can all be pig-headed at times can’t we?

Rich attempts to see Grace but the nurse will not let him. He hands her a CD, mentioning that he and Alo had put it together. We hear the enchanting chorus from Grace as she lies motionless in her hospital bed. End scene.

I had my doubts during the start of the episode. I almost thought I had grown out ofSkins. That it was no longer for me. But in the end it all paid off. Skins is back. It’s amazing. And I cannot wait for the show to start focusing on individual characters again. It’s what makes the show so unique.

I hear that there’s a new addition to the cast this season so that should be interesting. I hope that doesn’t mean something bad for Grace. Don’t freak out or anything, that’s just speculation on my behalf. I love Grace too *Sniff, sniff*.

The preview for next episode shows it’s all about Rich. Join me next time for another review / recap (that is if I manage to keep this up!).

It’s her. I can’t bare to look at her anymore, but I do it anyway. I notice everything about her. The way her wrist bangles jingle as she walks. The way her hair falls over her shoulders. I know it’s wrong. I know it can never be. But I still get that feeling. Is it sex drive? Loneliness? Love? I don’t know. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. But knowing me and my limited experience, that’s not much of an accomplishment.

When she talks to me, I hear more than just words. I hear the sincerity and the kindness behind them. Her voice is silky as she speaks my name, and her laugh is as warm as the sun.

We’re friends.

But I want something more.

At least part of me does. I try to tell myself to forget it. Believe me I’ve tried. But the thoughts don’t stop coming. When I’m home doing chores, I think of her. When I go to sleep, I think of her. Wherever I am, whatever I’m doing, she will pop right into my head. I know it’s an obsession, but I just can’t quiet my mind. I tell myself it’s infatuation, hormones… But it doesn’t help. I’m slave to the idea that one day we could be together.

It’ll never happen.

She doesn’t see me that way, and I just can’t let go. Even if Hell froze over and I found someone else these feelings might never go away. Perhaps it’s best to leave, just run away, put her out of my mind completely. Or then there’s the opposite approach. Risk the friendship. Tell her you like-like her. We all know that never goes down well — unless it does.

There I go again, putting false hope into my stupid little monkey brain. I am not experienced at this, at feeling this way. Though if we didn’t have these feelings there would be no procreation. The human race would die out. These feelings are meant to drive someone towards making a move, not drive them crazy with inaction.

There she goes again wearing that gorgeous dress, though of course I’d never say anything. Or compliment her on her looks. I’m such a gentleman I will avoid staring at her. But despite my pride I can’t help but take sneak peeks. I scold myself for it, but something else is controlling my eyes. I am slave.

It’s not just her looks mind you. In fact I hardly ever noticed her beauty before she started paying attention to me. I guess that’s it then. The classic fall in love with someone who pays the slightest bit of attention to you because you’re such a pathetic loser routine.

I can’t wait to see her. But then I can switch just like that. I get annoyed at her just as easily as I fall for her. When she talks about other guys and ex-lovers, it hurts. I don’t exist. I’m way down here, not up with the good looking men and potential suitors. I am just a lowly interpreter for the entire male population.

I would do anything for her, you know the old line. I would tell myself I’d be the best damn boyfriend in existence. That I would excel in leaps and bounds in my kindness, adoration, and understanding. But I know that’s not true. Relationships are hard, especially ones of the romantic variety. Not that I’d know of course. But I’ve heard enough stories to know even the good guy can fall from the grace.

Quick, she’s on her way over. I bring up my hand in a sad, hesitant wave, and quickly drop it back to my side. She motions to the footpath and together we walk down the bustling city street. Unconsciously she pushes her hair back behind her ears whilst moaning about her new boyfriend. I just grin and walk alongside her. Like a doofus.

When Uncharted 2 came out in late 2009 many of us, myself included, praised the game beyond measure. In fact it was most likely our game of the year. It was always going to be tough act to follow, but this is Naughty Dog we’re talking about here. 

And pull it off they did. Uncharted 3 features the same whiz-bang graphics, narration, and action. But for some reason it just wasn’t as memorable. Perhaps other great games overshadowed it last year. Or maybe threequels have a disadvantage, now that things aren’t as shiny and new as they once were…

Single Player

Nathan Drake, like Indiana Jones before him, is up to no good again, trying to solve another of Sir Francis Drake’s uncharted voyages (see what I did there?). It’s another globe trotting adventure, taking Drake and friends across London, France, Syria, and Yemen.

The story doesn’t pull an Uncharted 2. Instead of starting off near the end of the story, it’s pretty much linear time from the get go — excluding the flashbacks to Drake’s childhood. Running around as lil’ Drake is quite a strange experience, and yet as a spry wee thing he’s a little more believable than big Drake at climbing up drainpipes.

Sully, Chloe, and Elena all make appearances. Plus a new British chap, Cutter, who is a welcome add to the mix with all his quips and a new accent. The big bad of the day is British born Katherine Marlowe. A rich and powerful lady.

There’s no doubt that Uncharted is amazing when it comes to dialogue and characters. The plot itself leaves much to be desired however. But as an imitation of a big budget action flick I suppose I can’t complain.

At it’s core Uncharted is a third-person shooter. Though some folks thought the controls were worse I didn’t find any problems with it. Guns fire, bullets hit, men go down.

I did notice that the mêlée combat has been improved. The introductory fight scene in a dingy London bar shows this off rather well. Besides the standard 1-2 punch, Drake will grab an object in his vicinity and use it as a weapon, whether that’s a beer bottle or a fridge door.

As much as it sounds strange I’m saying this, at times Uncharted 3 could go over the top. There are moments where everything feels so unbelievable. I know it’s supposed to be a videogame, but it really pulls you out of the experience when you’re questioning the laws of physics and the plausibility of things. Running over the exploding rooftop of the Chateau springs to mind. Though the cargo plane sequence did turn out pretty awesome. 

The action continues to build and build until you’re not really in control any longer and it just happens to you. And Drake will never miss a handhold — he may slip and act dramatically but as long as you keep moving you’ll be fine. This takes a lot of the suspense away. With the port level at least I felt like I had some agency. It felt a little more open worldy.

In contrast Uncharted 3 does use quiet (non-shooting) bits really effectively. Simply walking around an environment and taking everything in does break up the constant shooting and dodging of explosions.

The game is beautiful. No doubt about that. Naughty Dog managed to step up in this department, from Uncharted 2, an already gorgeous game. The tech to create the rippling sand dunes, the impact of water, and fire spreading is just amazing. Watch that wallpaper curl!

Multiplayer

I enjoyed Uncharted 2’s multiplayer. The mix of climbing and gunplay felt like something entirely new. It was not just another shooter. The offering is expanded upon here, adding Call of Duty style perks, customization and all that jazz. Split-screen & LAN support is also a nice wee gesture.

The maps are well varied, taking place around levels from the campaign whether that’s a city of high-rises, a subway, or a middle eastern village. The cinematic set pieces are something altogether new and inspired from the single-player mayhem. It still feels like they could be refined a little, but it’s a pretty interesting concept I’d like to see expanded upon if there were to be another Uncharted game (I’m holding out for Naughty Dog’s Uncharted kart racer). By set pieces I mean like a fight between several moving trains, a plane taking off down a runway, or a crumbling floor in a chateau. You will also find plenty of zip lines and turrets for more environment interaction.

You have your typical standard fare of modes: Deathmatch, King of the Hill etc. But there’s also a mode or two that feels rather new. Co-op Hunter Arena is half-horde, half-capture-the-flag. You face off against a nasty bunch of AI baddies but to make things interesting two of the henchmen are controlled by two human players. As the round progresses and you rack up kills you can select better equipped henchmen, one of the heavy armoured dudes or maybe even a sniper.

The co-op missions have a lot to be desired. They feel like dumbed-down single player missions with really the only focus being the shooting. I would have appreciated some puzzle solving or at least something to make the co-op, well… co-op. Areas from Uncharted 2 are re-used, and old enemies who should really be dead are brought back from the grave. There are a few cinematic pieces such as climbing a Syrian tower and shooting baddies off the top, but they are few and far between.

Closing Comments

Crash Bandicoot 2, Jak II… Naughty Dog’s sequels always left a big mark on me. The third game in a series would always be great, maybe even perfected. But their middle games are the ones that innovate, the ones that surprise and leave you at the credits still clutching your controller, mouth agape.

Uncharted 3 is a fantastic game, but then again we’ve seen it all before. It’s just not as fresh and exciting as the one before it. Despite these things, it’s still an amazing campaign, and the multiplayer is truly great fun.

In a similar fashion to last year I came up with twelve goals for myself for the year of 2012 — which may or may not be our last days on Earth.

As I complete certain goals I will try to update this post with a triumphant line straight through the goal in question, and a paragraph or so on my experience. What I learned, unlearned, or how I triumphed with just dumb luck.

And don’t slag me off for being a tired old mothball for structuring my life. This is fun & rewarding dammit!

• Pass the Restricted Driver’s Licence Test.
  This goal carries on from last year (and loosely seven or so years). I gave up after the first try and for that I’m more ashamed than failing in the first place. Time to get behind the wheel, loosen up and just do it.
• Go on a date.
  Whatever the type — Classic, Blind, Online, Speed… But I have to try, even if it is the scariest thing on this damn list.
• Remove all clutter.
  I started this last year but my progress dropped off a bit. Well, completely. To embrace living with less stuff, especially when most of it is just clutter, I want to make digital copies of things I can’t bear to part with, and force myself to chuck or donate the rest.
• Buy a car.
  Once I have the licence things will get a lot easier (and more expensive) with a car. I won’t have to bike in drenched clothes and a heavy backpack just to get to the other side of town. Plus, the freedom. Oh the freedom. Between the hours of 5 and 10 of course.
• Write a novel.
  Encouraged by Stephen King’s book On Writing, I’m actually rather excited to spend my time creating a world over many, many, many pages. My first draft will likely take me a good few months, and I will learn first hand whether or not I have what it takes to write full-length fiction.
• Write a film screenplay.
  Towards the end of 2011 I found myself falling into screenwriting. Like the novel, but of course not like the novel at all, it will push my skills to the very limits. And here’s to it being something other than your standard Hollywood fluff.
• Publish a short stories collection.
  Hopefully with some more stories too by this stage, I will try my hand, and maybe even a foot, at digital publishing.
• Flat with a friend.
  Thanks to last year’s goal I’ve moved out of home and I’m now flatting. But it’s a little lonely and I could do with a good friend or two to play Rock Band & Battleship.
• Finish the Oxfam Trailwalk.
  I’ve wanted to do this for years, and seeing as I’m now out of school and have an athletic bunch of friends to boot; this year, it’s time.
• Go clubbing.
  Me? Dancing? Fuhgeddaboudit! But a certain liquid must be consumed to at least entertain the possibility.
• Meditate daily.
  I’ve toyed with self improvement, zen, minimalism and all sorts. But I just can’t find the time to sit in the quiet, to relax and be one with the world. I want to make this a part of my daily routine, just like my exercise and writing.
• CHANCE.
  This space is reserved because sometimes you just can’t plan your accomplishments. They end up finding you. And uh, I couldn’t think of a twelfth thing…

Killing things with pointy swords and daggers, climbing buildings with sheer arm muscle. This is Assassin’s Creed. And it has been for the last three games.

If you can’t get enough of the guys in the pointed hoods you’ve come to the right place. If you’re growing a little cloak weary, Brotherhood should really be your last stop.

Single Player

I won’t spoil the ending of Brotherhood but needless to say I was disappointed with how this game dealt with the aftermath. It’s all just resolved so abruptly in the beginning of Revelations. Desmond is trapped inside the Animus’ operating system along with Subject 16, who appears to be surprisingly normal, a little eccentric, but still a relatively average person. Which is far from the insane portrait we were presented in the first game. Subject 16 was more interesting when he was just a faceless character leaving clues on walls.

The Matrixy-mystical world of Animuses and Gods is still as mysterious as ever, but you’re rewarded with a neat CGI piece at the story’s conclusion. More questions than answers I’m afraid. But you knew that already.

For the majority of the game you play as old man Ezio, but throughout you will get the chance to play as Altair from the first game in his own timeline. Ezio travels to Constantinople 1511 AD (AKA Istanbul). If you’re a history buff there’s plenty-o historical figures and buildings to peek at.

Most of Ezio’s story involves searching for Altair’s hidden discs. Meanwhile the base missions are chock-full of assassinations, swordplay, and dressing up as minstrels. You mightn’t have guessed it, but Ezio has a very impressive singing voice.

Now back to Desmond. Unlike the neat little town in Brotherhood, the “Black Room” is sadly lacking any climbing obstacles. Desmond has some bizarre first-person puzzles to complete inside the Animus OS, but they can only be unlocked with these “fragments”. There’s 100 scattered throughout the giant playground that is Constantinople, and I found less than 10 of them. Playing these levels is all optional and perhaps too easy to miss due to the hunting of needles in a city-wide haystack. As much as Ezio loves jumping into haystacks, these Animus levels are meant for only the truly dedicated adventurer. 

So an Assassin’s Creed game, you know the drill, seeing it’s an annual franchise at this point. If you haven’t touched the other games this wouldn’t be the place to jump in. Story-wise you’ll be lost completely. As for gamey things you have the assassins recruitment introduced in Brotherhood, shop renovations, Templars, and other optional things on the side.

As for new shiny things we have the hookblade which Desmond can use to climb buildings faster and catch onto ledges. Ziplines cover most of the city and make for a new fun way to get around. Heck there’s even parachuting to be had. 

If you’re daring enough to take on Templars then best prepare for the infamous Den Defence. It is possible to play through the game only doing this once. Basically it’s a tower defence mini-game. Ezio perches on a rooftop and you need to assign units to rooftops to shoot arrows at the soldiers below. You have catapults and other things to make dead certain the soldiers don’t make it to the end of an alley in one piece. The real problem I have with this addition is that it just doesn’t gel with the rest of the game. That, and tower defense was so 2008.

Now for something I was quite impressed with, is the bomb crafting system. You collect different gunpowders and parts, and then put them together in different combinations to achieve different effects. You can make a sticky bomb that releases a large stinky gas cloud, or a highly charged splinter grenade. Whatever your poison. Oh yes you can make poison bombs too.

A moment I remember distinctly was when I tossed a rather powerful grenade into a crowd to take out some guards. It took out much more then just the guards. After the explosion all I heard were screams, and I looked to see a giant radius of townsfolk lying dead on the ground. It was incredibly eerie. In one button push I had turned Ezio from your friendly neighbourhood assassin into a death dealing terrorist.

Besides the usual stealth and flat-out fighting, we also have some action packed cinematic moments; a destruction derby with horses and carriages, escaping a port of burning boats, close calls on fragile structures, and a fist fight in mid-air. It may have felt a little forced, but for some variety in the campaign, I ain’t complaining.

Multiplayer

Introduced in Brotherhood, this game of cat of mouse was like nothing else we had seen before in the realm of online multiplayer. It was about blending in with crowds, pretending to be an AI, and at the last second, springing out from hiding and severing an artery.

Revelations doesn’t tinker too much with the original structure but it does feel a lot more fleshed out, especially with all the new modes. Deathmatch is a fun little diversion, and it still retains the stealth of Wanted but confines it to a much smaller playing field. I found the Assassinate to be as fun as Wanted if not more. Instead of the traditional compass and target, you have a general indicator of your opponents, and then you have to spot someone acting out from the norm (eg. running, climbing, killing). Then you mark them, stalk them, and assassinate them. I hadn’t tried it previously but according to the Internets Assassinate is also available in Brotherhood via the Animus Project Update 3.0 DLC.

The core multiplayer experience is still as addictive as ever, but with an improved lobby, perk selection, new challenges and integrated leaderboards, it just makes the package that much sweeter.

Closing Comments

Assassin’s Creed: Revelations is great, don’t get me wrong. But there’s only so much one can enjoy doing the same old thing, no matter how many new coats of paint you slap on top. That’s why trilogies work so well. In my opinion Brotherhood is the pinnacle of the series, and quite frankly, it should’ve ended there. Or at the very least, some more years in development time to come up with some new ideas.

On the multiplayer side, it still feels fresh, and it plays very well indeed. If you were a fan of Brotherhood’s take on stabby-stabby multiplayer, there is much to enjoy here.

This is the last time we’ll be stepping into the shoes of Ezio and Altair. But according to Ubisoft it won’t be the last Assassin’s Creed. Another game is coming out next year. Is that a good thing? I’ll leave that up to you to decide.

Like is like a parabolic curve. Well if I was into maths that’s what I would say. I’ll go with good old physics on this one — what goes up must come down. I’m talking about mood swings. One day you’re high like a kite swooping about town, the next day everything is miserable, and all you want to do is curl up into a ball and die.

I think this happens because we rely too heavily on external forces. If one thing doesn’t go our way it can send us in a tail spin, hurtling us into deeper despair. The obvious solution is to seek joy and peace within yourself. But that’s easier said than done.

I haven’t mastered this yet so if you’re looking for a walkthrough this ain’t the right place. But I do have some tips.

Firstly you need to realise you are in charge of your own peace of mind. Not anyone else. If some retail salesperson is being a dick, just let it go. Get out of there and do something worthy of your time. If your friend doesn’t come into work, you don’t have to spend the whole day moping. Try to enjoy other people’s company. If you’re alone and miserable, go and find someone to spend time with. I find the smallest things send me off into a typhoon of emotions. When there’s just no need. We already have enough to be happy right here and now.

Secondly, well that’s about it. Just know that you’re in charge of how you feel. This may seem like primary school stuff here, but often (if you’re like me) it’s just too easy to forget.

If you find yourself in one of those down days do something that picks you up. Sing or dramatically lip sync to your favourite song. Ring up a friend or family member to see how they’re doing. Go for a walk. Alphabetise your DVD collection — I don’t know how you get your kicks.

In my final words of wisdom I have to impart; Don’t take life too seriously. Don’t rub your face in a cat’s furry hide if you’re allergic. And remember to love others and stuff.

So I finally realised you can’t find your passion overnight.

Back at Intermediate I wanted to be a videogame designer. At college; a videogame programmer with hopes of becoming a videogame designer. At university; a videogame programmer turned videogame critic. Post university; a journalist with hopes of becoming a videogame critic.

In all those years never did I really ask myself if I could sustain any of those careers for my entire life, or even if I would enjoy them. I mean how do you go about that? I thought once I had learned the skills of the job, I could do it. But then university came and I was unprepared. The first year was difficult for me and in the end I realised I didn’t even enjoy programming. Afterwards I was able to complete a Media Studies degree. But at what cost? It was a qualification with no real destination. I guess even today after twenty four years I still don’t really know what I’m doing.

Is life just a game of trial and error? A never-ending series of wrong turns on the road to nowhere?

Last Friday I walked into a small room in the bowels of Massey University Wellington to discuss my prospects of becoming a journalist. I had taken that same interview a year earlier. Needless to say this time wasn’t any easier. The same questions were asked, but as I had put off practice entirely I made the same mistakes. I was awkward. Unconvincing. And most of all not even sure of myself.

Was I taking this route as a roundabout way of becoming a game critic? The same games I seem to be getting burned out on. The same structures, mechanics, and horrible stories again and again? I sold off 46 games from my collection the day of the interview. For such an investment in my time, my money, my identity, I thought it would be hard to let go. But it wasn’t. I didn’t feel anything.

That morning I spent a good thirty minutes sitting on a park bench waiting for the train that would take me to town. I sat there thinking about my future and seriously considered not turning up to the interview at all. A friend convinced me to do it anyway. Even though the outlook is low I’m glad I gave it one last shot. If anything to really cement in my head that being a journalist wasn’t really what I wanted to do.

Grant Hannis, the programme director for the Graduate Diploma in Journalism asked me his last question, “If you don’t get selected what will you do?”. My reply involved a bumbling “I guess I’ll just carry on with my writing.”

A few weeks before that a friend asked me what my greatest passion was. I replied I’d like to write something that someone would buy. Still as iffy as ever, but I think I’m starting to get somewhere.

I recently joined the Kiwi Writers Forum and I hear there’s even a local writer’s club in my area. I’ve seen other writers release ebooks with interesting pricing models and of course there’s the ever increasing popularity of tablets, iPads and Kindles. There’s plenty of opportunity out there.

For the meantime I’ll keep working as a temp to survive, and I’ll try to write around it — just like I’m doing now.

As for the content of the writing I do have a thing for short stories at the moment, and that seems like the perfect place to start. Even with that focus things are still pretty open for me. With any luck one day I’d love to write my own comic book or television series. A full-on novel isn’t one of my all time goals, but one day I might just be in the right state of mind.

I want to write something that excites you. Terrifies you. Angers you. Something that makes you laugh, or even shed a tear.

My two favourite writers, Joss Whedon and Brian K. Vaughn, write simply the best characters and dialogue for their respective mediums, and I want to create something of their quality. I know I’m setting the bar extremely high here, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.