Michael Gray

Two months have passed since I first set my goals for the year.

• Pass the Restricted Driver’s Licence Test.
  This goal carries on from last year (and loosely seven or so years). I gave up after the first try and for that I’m more ashamed than failing in the first place. Time to get behind the wheel, loosen up and just do it.

So I did it! I passed my Restricted! Thanks to my instructor and to everyone who has helped or encouraged me along the way. The test went pretty smoothly I think. There was a moment at the end there when the instructor turned to me and said I needed to check the side streets more and be smoother at taking off with the clutch. I felt a pit in my stomach. I was ready to accept failure. And then as a casual aside, “I passed you”. So there it is, I now own my NZ Restricted Driver’s Licence — Manual edition.

• Go on a date.
  Whatever the type — Classic, Blind, Online, Speed… But I have to try, even if it is the scariest thing on this damn list.

Think I’ll need to nab a love coach for this. I’m not at all sure how to go about, well, any of it. But I do know I need to get over my current crush. The sooner the better.

• Remove all clutter.
  I started this last year but my progress dropped off a bit. Well, completely. To embrace living with less stuff, especially when most of it is just clutter, I want to make digital copies of things I can’t bear to part with, and force myself to chuck or donate the rest.

So I bought a camera. I took some snaps. I threw out some old junk, and I’ve been holding onto some pretty weird stuff; old baby teeth and cat fur from our first cat, deceased over ten years ago. I’ve still got a long way to go. And now my room is full of boxes of old school books I don’t know how to part with.

• Buy a car.
  Once I have the licence things will get a lot easier (and more expensive) with a car. I won’t have to bike in drenched clothes and a heavy backpack just to get to the other side of town. Plus, the freedom. Oh the freedom. Between the hours of 5 and 10 of course.

Another goal crossed off the list. Thanks to my good friend Gregor who gave me a 1993 Ford Laser. For free! There’s still a few things I need to do; clean the windows, fix the radio. And there’s a problem with the driver’s side window.  But it handles very well and I’ve been hooning safely coasting up and down Upper Hutt and Stokes Valley. I will need to venture further south some day to make sure I don’t lose the confidence. I’ve never driven into Wellington so that’s a good a goal as any.

• Write a novel.
  Encouraged by Stephen King’s book On Writing, I’m actually rather excited to spend my time creating a world over many, many, many pages. My first draft will likely take me a good few months, and I will learn first hand whether or not I have what it takes to write full-length fiction.

My writing in general has taken a bit of a backseat. I’ve found it hard to get back into that groove. I know when I set aside different writing activities, one every week day, I actually made good progress. I think I’ll revert to that system. Again it’s not a novel, but it’s writing. And the more I do the better I will… do.

• Write a film screenplay.
  Towards the end of 2011 I found myself falling into screenwriting. Like the novel, but of course not like the novel at all, it will push my skills to the very limits. And here’s to it being something other than your standard Hollywood fluff.

I haven’t written a screenplay since I edited one for Oosh Multimedia’s upcoming short film. It may take a few more short stories, but I am aiming to write my own short film from scratch. Whether or not it actually gets made, that’s besides the point. Not a feature film screenplay just yet.

• Publish a short stories collection.
  Hopefully with some more stories too by this stage, I will try my hand, and maybe even a foot, at digital publishing.

As mentioned above about the novel, writing short stories is going to be one of my daily writing activities. So here’s hoping when I get my groove back you’ll be seeing one short story a week. I’ll make sure to save some as exclusives for the collection.

• Flat with a friend.
  Thanks to last year’s goal I’ve moved out of home and I’m now flatting. But it’s a little lonely and I could do with a good friend or two to play Rock Band & Battleship.

Next week I would’ve had a new flatmate but they pulled out, just as unexpectedly as they dropped in. My landlord tells me he’s got some more prospective clientele so we’ll see if anything eventuates there.

• Finish the Oxfam Trailwalk.
  I’ve wanted to do this for years, and seeing as I’m now out of school and have an athletic bunch of friends to boot; this year, it’s time.

Three weeks to go. I’m freaking out… just a little. We’ve been on walks but I don’t think we’ve done anything near the magnitude of what we’re about to do. And our fundraising is quite a way off, but I do have a fundraiser in motion that will, with any luck, get us on top of things.

• Go clubbing.
  Me? Dancing? Fuhgeddaboudit! But a certain liquid must be consumed to at least entertain the possibility.

Done and dusted. The first goal off my list. I went along to a dance fundraiser with Graeme and some workmates. I ate nibbles, wore a glow stick, and heck, even danced. It may haven taken a few vodka mother’s, but I swayed. I nodded. My limbs actually made movement.

• Meditate daily.
  I’ve toyed with self improvement, zen, minimalism and all sorts. But I just can’t find the time to sit in the quiet, to relax and be one with the world. I want to make this a part of my daily routine, just like my exercise and writing.

This should’ve been the first thing on my list to get sorted. To melt my mind like butter and relax my muscles before tackling the worries of the day. But I’ve been putting it off and there’s really no excuse. Anyone, especially me, can spare a quick 15 minutes.

• CHANCE.
  This space is reserved because sometimes you just can’t plan your accomplishments. They end up finding you. And uh, I couldn’t think of a twelfth thing…

So the Switchfoot thing didn’t work out, they cancelled. And I’m writing this up in Auckland. But I think I found something worthy of the Chance card. And that is Donate Blood. Much like the Trailwalker I’ve wanted to do it for a long time but I’ve always chickened out, until last month. I convinced Graeme to come along with me, and like the trooper that he is, he did. His first time too.

It wasn’t without its hiccups. I was nervous. I managed to get through the whole process okay. The St. Johns staffer showed me a little bag of blood and I was surprised at how small it was. He then said it was the blood to be tested. And he reached down and pulled up a much bigger bag of blood. Blood that had just come out of me. I started to feel woozy. The room went fuzzy. My hands felt the most intense pins and needles of my life. The staffer warned me not to close my eyes. I told myself I was being stupid, that I could control this, it was just my body being silly. I was okay, but the anxious staff didn’t put my mind at ease. They wired up an oxygen tank and made wear a mask for a few minutes. After a period of time I began to feel better. The pins and needles disappeared and my hands stopped shaking. I was okay to go home.

So it’s going to be another big battle should I choose to do it again. But I know how important the blood is, and everyone who donates is a star in my books.  Oh and if you were wondering, I’m A Positive.

As posted on ButtonMasher.

Shank is very much like our friend Kratos; he duel wields sharp objects, isn’t afraid of a little blood, and his face wears a big ugly scowl.

While I didn’t manage to check out the first Shank, Shank 2 on its own has a commendable fighting system, smooth controls, and a very pleasing graphic art style. Not to mention blood — lots and lots of blood.

The game is broken up into stages, each one with its own unique environment. Now they do look pretty, but the exploration is limited to taking a left turn and picking up a collectable. I understand it’s a 2D game, but the level design is very straightforward and uneventful. Apart from the odd slippery slope and environment switch there’s just not much going on. At least the focus is on the combat.

Part beat-em-up, part shoot-em-up, at the start of each stage Shank 2 gives you the choice of a melee weapon, a projectile, and an explosive. Shank starts off with his trusty machetes and throwing knives, but eventually you can use a chainsaw and shotgun to blow your foes away.

Using the left analog stick you can aim your projectile weapon in a 360 degree radius which is rather helpful when taking out guys above you. Your heavy weapon can effectively shred folks down to size, while your normal attack can be used to start combos and hit guys into the air.

If it tickles your fancy you can throw enemies around and counter-attack using the same button. You can achieve some prettty nassty deaths using these counter attacks. This game ain’t for the kiddies. Also there’s a neat move which launches Shank into the air. The screen blurs as Shank takes his epic landing, pinning an enemy to the ground.

Your projectile weapon is accessible at all times which means you can be a badass and shoot in the air. This helps Shank defy gravity for as long as you can fire bullets. It looks crazy to see Shank float to the ground but it does help clear yourself out of harm’s way. The slicing and dicing is fluid from one foe to the next and often you’ll be switching between all three weapons in under a second.

The enemies aren’t too varied, just guys and gals of different builds and sizes. The bosses throughout are mostly huge muscly dudes. But they do put up quite the fight. Playing on Normal I died repeatedly until I nailed the pattern or just got lucky. I now know it’s dangerous to drink and game. I almost felt compelled to throw my controller across the room. Folks, pick your drinking games wisely.

Survival mode is in addition to the main campaign. Playing on one screen with a buddy — if you can find one — you must defeat all invading waves while defusing the ticking time bombs. The ideal situation is you catching the terrorists before they plant a bomb. Trying to disarm a bomb with enemies in a flurry all around you – not easy. Each level has one environmental hazard which you can use to your advantage.

As mentioned the game is gorgeous, comprising of environments and characters straight out of a graphic novel. Some screens will come right out and say ‘Hey, look at me, see how pretty I am’. It’s usually the game’s artists taking to black and white silhouettes. As for the cut-scenes, they’re okay looking, but the dialogue is just terrible. Thankfully they don’t go on for too long.

Closing Comments

Shank 2 is a very decent brawler. However you might be done with it rather soon. There’s not much reason to go back to the campaign unless you have a thing for character skins. And the Survival mode whilst entertaining probably won’t keep you either.

On the positive, it looks bloody good, and the combat is incredibly fluid. It has enough challenge to kill you, but never frustrates to the point of you hanging up your carving tools and calling it a day.

Released 8 February 2012. Available on PSN for $18.90.

“It’s numbers mate. Only numbers.”
– Alex

After last week’s very depressing end we’re introduced to a brand new character; Alex Henley.

Warning: Spoilers follow.

We wake up with Alex in his nautical themed room. He gets ready and makes breakfast for his memory challenged gran. She’s not afraid of saying anything offensive either but Alex takes it in his stride. The first hint of trouble arises when Alex’s dad calls in to prepare gran for a home. Something neither of which Alex or gran are keen for.

At the bus stop Alex fiddles with a die and reads a note with corresponding actions for each number. We can’t read the whole thing but there’s choices to streak, punch, kiss, wank, and run. But before he can roll the die the bus arrives.

It’s Alex’s first day at Roundview and after meeting Doug, now headmaster, and at his dad’s meddling he’s thrust into ICT along with the rest of the skins we’ve grown so attached to.

In the cafeteria Alex is sitting alone, tapping the die against the table. We see Grace’s portrait among some flowers. Alex then looks over at Liv and sees her pouring some hard alcohol into her coffee cup. Liv spots Alex staring at her and the two share smiles. Alex pulls out his card and we see for the first time all six actions:

1. Streak in a public place

2. Punch the next person to walk in

3. Kiss the person next to you

4. Do everything backwards

5. Have a wank. NOW!

6. Run away

I used to use an eraser myself as a mock magic eight ball, each side corresponding to a yes, no, or maybe. So not quite the same as Alex’s number system. Because here he means business. He rolls a 2. We see Nick and Alo walk in the door. But Alo is lucky first. Alex walks right up to him and punches him in the face. He quickly apologises and helps him to his feet. Alo is bewildered and Alex quickly walks out with everyone’s eyes on him, including Liv who smiles in astonishment.

Liv is having a falling out with Mini. The two are taking Grace’s death quite hard. Liv walks up to Alex and asks what his problem is. He looks at his die. “If you live by this, everything’s random”

He rolls a three and gives Liv a good smooch, until she slaps him in the face. Any normal girl would walk away at this point but she’s intrigued by Alex and the two walk together to Alex’s place. He introduces her to his gran. We learn more about gran’s husband who as it turns out was a sailor. Alex reads his grandfather’s travel diary as gran lies in bed.

Alex meets the gang in a bar, all sitting quietly and keeping to themselves.

Mini sums up my thoughts exactly. “We don’t need any new friends.”

But by this point I know I’ve started to like the character. I don’t see him as a replacement for Grace. He tries to learn more about her but everyone finds it offensive for him to be talking about her.

Liv goes off with Alex to a dingy warehouse with poker tables hidden out back. Alex wins the round against his final opponent, with a full house in fact. Alex is accused of cheating and the two settle it with another of Alex’s chance devices; the coin toss. Except as we soon find out, the coin is heads on both sides of the coin. The two manage to escape with the handfuls of cash. Liv looks like she madly wants to kiss Alex, but he’s blissfully unaware. He sends her off in a taxi and kisses her on the cheek, which again confuses Liv.

Alex pulls out his smart phone and loads an app called CruisR. The screen is littered with display pictures of guys. He selects the profile of a dude only 15 metres away. Next we see Alex in the throws of passion with… another guy. Suddenly it makes sense, that’s the reason he’s been coy about Liv’s advances. And I made that prediction about Liv potentially hooking up with Rich (too soon?), so that’s still up in the air now. Alex leaves the guy (a lot older than his pic showed to be) with a few criticisms, and tears up the cash on offer.

Liv and Alex break into a home, another one of the dice dares. They find a mess of a house and they tidy the place to freak out the owner. Liv advances on Alex but before Alex has time to explain the owner walks in the door, and the duo make their escape.

The two head to Alex’s home where they find his dad packing up gran’s things. Alex and his dad argue and Alex is left to pack up the rest. He doesn’t.

Everyone is hanging at the bar. Alex is growing closer to the group as Nick makes fun of his lists. A pretentious twat comes in and starts talking up a memorial service for Grace. There couldn’t be a worse faker out there and the gang is beyond peeved.

Mini has a fight with Liv and Liv takes off. Alex chases Liv to the bathroom and finally reveals to Liv that he’s gay. Liv takes this quite harshly, even Mini takes her side, and Alex runs away in shame.

Alex comes home to find his gran has overdosed on pills. Rather than be taken to a home, she decided to go her own way.

The service starts, and the gang heads along. While the twat and his accomplice begin a cringe worthy musical item, Liv gets so upset she trashes the keyboard and exposes herself to the crowd. The second part I don’t get myself. But it seemed to make sense to her at the time.

Alex tries to reconcile with Liv over the phone while waiting nearby.

Alex invites the group out for a cruise, where we discover he wants to send his gran out to sea for her burial. There the gang help him push the coffin into the sea. Alex says she can be their stand-in for Grace, as they weren’t allowed to attend the funeral (déjà vu anyone?). Alex recites his granddad’s diary one last time, and there are tears all around. I found myself rather swept up in the moment too. Mini and Liv are back on good terms. We hear in on a phone call from Franky to Matty. She tells him to never come back. Huh, and I thought she was nice again?

Alex rolls the die one more time: Run away. They jump into the sea. The last shot is of them diving for the die.

A little surprisingly Rich is nowhere to be seen in this episode. There is a moment where he is mentioned when Nick and Alo walk into the cafeteria. Blink and you’ll miss it. I guess it makes sense. His pain must be unbearable, and we witnessed most of it in the last episode. However I do hope we get to see him soon and how he’s coping.

I thought it would be a little strange to introduce a brand new character to a cast we’re already well acquainted with, but it turned out just fine. Great in fact. Alex is a fascinating new character, and as long as they don’t over-do the dice stuff, he should fit right in with the gang and hopefully ease their suffering as they grieve for Grace.